Villagers triumph for Barca

There were scenes of wild inertia in the village tonight as five local lunatics turned out in Barcelona’s 1-0 slaughter of Nicosia.

Luckily, netminder Moaty had little to as playmaker Lamber dominated the midfield.

Man of the match Morph scored the only goal and now gets the chance to shag Shakira.

Lionel Messi said afterwards, “I have never seen anything like Bowers. How anyone can play football after what he has been drinking all day has my eternal admiration.”

Patrick May is 59.