He Shot, He Missed

Here I Go Again

Comments Off on Here I Go Again 06 February 2018

“Is there a single incident to which you can attribute your current bout of depression and anxiety?” the mental health assessor asked, not necessarily using those exact words, but that was the meaning.

“Well, it’s like this, ” I replied. “I carry around this depression and anxiety malarkey pretty well all the time but sometimes it gets worse and on some occasions it becomes unmanageable.” My loyal reader will know precisely what caused me to get ill this time. Until today, I didn’t realise quite how ill I have been.

The likely diagnosis appears to be moderate to severe depression (so I am much better than I was around a year ago) and moderate levels of anxiety, which for me is “normal”. And the authorities are going to sort some treatment out for me which is very good news. I never turn down any kind of treatment. In depth therapy to run-of-the-mill counselling, I really don’t care. Every little helps.

Those among you who have been assessed for this kind of stuff will know how utterly exhausting the assessment can be. If you are like me, with an absurdly long history of mental illness, it is very painful and it can be a question of – as it was today – “where do I begin?” I was asked when my problems started and replied, somewhat sheepishly, when I was about 12 when I developed severe night terrors and panic attacks. Happily, I was referred to a child psychotherapist and the night terrors gradually disappeared. The panic attacks remain occasional and extremely unwelcome visitors and are, frankly, the least of my problems. The night terrors and panic attacks faded away, leaving the door open long enough for Messrs Depression and Anxiety to set up home.

I could have written this blog many hundreds of times over the years and probably have written it hundreds of times. I don’t care. The long slog called life takes yet another turn, this time hopefully one for the better. Really hoping that 2018 is better than 2017.

He Shot, He Missed

Who’s bashing the bishop?

Comments Off on Who’s bashing the bishop? 04 April 2017

When I hear the term, “as mad as a bunch of frogs”, I am often moved to think of frock-wearing Archbishop of York John Senatamu. And when it comes to bashing the bishop, he seems to deserve it more than most. Who else, but Sentamu, would accuse the National Trust and Cadburys of “spitting on the grave” of founder John Cadbury by not mentioning the word Easter from their egg hunts when Mr Cadbury himself was a Quaker and didn’t celebrate Easter anymore than any other day?

Theresa May, the vicar’s daughter, as we are so frequently reminded, blew a fuse about this, reminding us that not only is she a vicar’s daughter, she is also a member of the National Trust: “I’m not just a vicar’s daughter – I’m a member of the National Trust as well,” she reminded us. “I think the stance they have taken is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t know what they are thinking about frankly. Easter’s very important… It’s a very important festival for the Christian faith for millions across the world.”

Quite frankly, I don’t know what the fuss is all about, certainly in relation to John Cadbury and his family since the company has been owned by the American conglomerate Mondelez International (originally Kraft Foods) since 2010. If May had cared that much about it, she could have asked her mates in Cabinet to block the sale. The name Cadbury name is merely historical these days, although it continues to sell high fat, high sugar products who like that kind of thing. Children, especially, love that kind of thing and I wager won’t be too concerned whether Cadbury and the National Trust call it an Easter egg or not.

I am more concerned by the priorities of people like Sentamu and May. Have neither of them noticed that the latter’s vicious benefit cuts to the working poor and to disabled people, as well as the removal of bereavement benefits, will have slightly more damaging effects, like pushing an awful lot of vulnerable people into poverty? Have neither of them seen the vicious attack on the young asylum seeker in Croydon? Are they not in the least bit concerned with the crises in the NHS and care sectors? Do they think that whether an egg is called an Easter egg or not is right at the heart of the national conversation?

We keep being told about “Christian values” by God-fearing folk but given the actions of Christians like Theresa May, is it any wonder that people are turning their back on religion? She presides over the nastiest, most decisive, right wing government since Thatcher’s, and promises to lurch even further to the extremes with all the disastrous consequences for the very poorest people in the land and that’s all part of her “faith”? If you happen to believe that the alleged Jesus of Nazareth actually existed, do you think he’d be impressed by the words and actions of Sentamu and May? I suppose the God of the Old Testament would be cheering her on.

The most hilarious part of this farcical story is that some National Trust members are thinking of resigning their membership “over the row” which isn’t a row at all, just some Godwhacker and a Margaret Thatcher tribute act working up a right old lather about nothing. If they really want to stop their support for the National Trust, a wonderful organisation that maintains places of historic interest or natural beauty for the nation, because of the omission of the word Easter before egg may I suggest they seek urgent medical help. I have a long list of therapists and counsellors I can recommend to them.

He Shot, He Missed

Guilty before charged

Comments Off on Guilty before charged 25 February 2016

In 1967, I remember Tony Blackburn opening BBC Radio One, along with his imaginary dog Arnold, by playhin the Move’s classic Flowers In The Rain. Since then, he has always been a favourite broadcaster of mine, including Saturday’s unmissable ‘Pick of the Pops’ which he has presented for over five years. Now, he has been sacked by the BBC because, and I quote, “the evidence he gave to the Jimmy Savile sex abuse inquiry “fell short” of the standards required.” And with that, Blackburn’s long and illustrious career lies in ruins, along with his reputation. Am I alone in feeling deeply uncomfortable with this turn of events?

I have to tread carefully here because, although this is a very minor website in the grand scheme of things, Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne are actively involved and one has to watch one’s words, but I cannot but feel that the way in which Blackburn’s sacking has been carried out seems wrong to me.

I will not dwell on what, if anything, he has done or not done because we haven’t been told, other than the vague reference to him falling short of the standards required. I have absolutely no idea what was meant by this, although presumably someone must. The whole inquiry, conducted by Dame Janet Smith, is shrouded in secrecy and details are few and far between. I suspect that because so many of ‘my learned gentlemen’ are involved is one possible explanation. Certain commentators have expressed great concern at the number of sharks circling the case.

There is one story out there about Blackburn, referring to a 15 girl who subsequently died, but there is no suggestion whatsoever that he is guilty of anything at all. Surely if the authorities had evidence, reasons to believe a crime had been committed, far more would have happened by now other than him being fired from his BBC jobs? It seems to me that he has been found guilty at the outset of the investigation and now it’s up to him to prove his innocence. That seems arse backwards, doesn’t it? Continue Reading

He Shot, He Missed

Dear Ben

Comments Off on Dear Ben 21 April 2015

Dear Ben,

I’ve been to see you again this morning. You may think it odd that I should write to you like this since it is pretty obvious that I have no faith and no god and, moreover, losing you has strengthened my unbelief, not weakened it, but nonetheless I wanted you to know that we had not forgotten you, far from it.

Three weeks on and the flowers at the clubhouse have proved to be resilient. Naturally, they are not all in the pristine condition that they were when first laid but those beautiful colours still light up the field, even on yet another clear sunny day. Continue Reading

He Shot, He Missed, He Swiped, He Missed

Morph Meaney in nude photo shocker!

Comments Off on Morph Meaney in nude photo shocker! 14 November 2014

The soccer world was tonight rocked to its foundations when it was revealed that Calum Morph Meaney-May had been posing naked for a local magazine.

Paddy May is 59.

He Shot, He Missed

Jordan Russell scores a two perfect hat tricks!

Comments Off on Jordan Russell scores a two perfect hat tricks! 27 October 2014

By our football correspondent E I Addio.

The soccer world was rocked to its foundations last weekend when two seismic events occurred simultaneously: the village third team won and roly poly centre forward Jordan Russell scored. Not only that, but they won 9-2 and Jordan – I am not making this up – scored two perfect hat tricks, thus doubling his goalscoring tally for his entire career (possibly). Bennett was too shocked to comment but mumbled something about this being a sensational victory against top notch opposition which was stretching things a little.

Good news too for the first team who won 4-1 away at Winterbourne with goals from Dennis Cox (2), Fletch and Bartley.

Sadly, the reserves contrived to lose 3-0 at the BAWA club against Kellaway.

Martin Black is 59.

He Shot, He Missed, He Swiped, He Missed

What the f*** is going on with the blog?

Comments Off on What the f*** is going on with the blog? 19 October 2014

As I travel round the village, people come up to me and ask, “Rick: what’s happened to the blog? It might have been crap but at least it gave me something to do with the wife was watching the X Factor.”

The reality, dear reader (note the singular tense), the reason we have had no reports recently is because no one tells me anything, not even results or goalscorers or outright lies about what someone probably hasn’t been up to.

I’ll leave it for a few weeks but if nothing changes I’ll have to wind it up.

He Shot, He Missed

Village thirds share four goals with Bristol Spartak

Comments Off on Village thirds share four goals with Bristol Spartak 04 October 2014

By our intrepid reporter E I Addio

The soccer world was rocked to its foundations today as Stoke Gifford A shared four goals with Bristol Spartak at Little Stoke. Sadly, the goals were spread somewhat unevenly between the two sides as the Village crashed to a 4-0 defeat.

With Big Jordan Russell celebrating his 40th birthday, but playing like he had done all the partying the night before, the Village were not exactly a forward threat, at least not until posh student layabout Henry Winterman was pushed forward and he came nearest to scoring.

Patrolling the left back position in his zimmer frame, Stinky Turner (59), still has a long way to go before he can start repaying the transfer fee he said the Village paid Filton for his latest return, but it spoke volumes about the levels of fitness of portly left back Nigel Johnson that Turner was selected ahead of him.

Boris patrolled the centre circle for much of the game, watching the ball flying over his head and Ben Bennett played like two men. Unfortunately, those two men were Laurel and Hardy.

Man of the match – Henry Winterman.

Stinky Turner is 59.

He Shot, He Missed, He Swiped, He Missed

Fox arrested over historic sex assaults

Comments Off on Fox arrested over historic sex assaults 30 September 2014

Was anyone else concerned when they read this headline today?

He Shot, He Missed

Martin makes an unlikely comeback to the first team at the age of 59

Comments Off on Martin makes an unlikely comeback to the first team at the age of 59 28 September 2014

Good news from the Village first team who won 5-0 at Fishponds.

Cheesy scored a perfect hat trick including – I am not making this up – a left footed half volley. Geraint got the other two.

There was a late scare when Martin ‘the legend’ Black was forced to abandon his zimmer frame and hobbled on for the last few minutes but this was an excellent win.

The Stiffs also had a good win against Cribbs Third team which laughably featured Jo Coles leading the ‘attack’.

Phil Giles scored a hat trick with Naked Nathan getting the fourth. Order was restored in the game when the Village had a penalty which was unaccountably handed to Ian Simple who obviously missed.

Martin Black is 59.

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