When I hear the term, “as mad as a bunch of frogs”, I am often moved to think of frock-wearing Archbishop of York John Senatamu. And when it comes to bashing the bishop, he seems to deserve it more than most. Who else, but Sentamu, would accuse the National Trust and Cadburys of “spitting on the grave” of founder John Cadbury by not mentioning the word Easter from their egg hunts when Mr Cadbury himself was a Quaker and didn’t celebrate Easter anymore than any other day?

Theresa May, the vicar’s daughter, as we are so frequently reminded, blew a fuse about this, reminding us that not only is she a vicar’s daughter, she is also a member of the National Trust: “I’m not just a vicar’s daughter – I’m a member of the National Trust as well,” she reminded us. “I think the stance they have taken is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t know what they are thinking about frankly. Easter’s very important… It’s a very important festival for the Christian faith for millions across the world.”

Quite frankly, I don’t know what the fuss is all about, certainly in relation to John Cadbury and his family since the company has been owned by the American conglomerate Mondelez International (originally Kraft Foods) since 2010. If May had cared that much about it, she could have asked her mates in Cabinet to block the sale. The name Cadbury name is merely historical these days, although it continues to sell high fat, high sugar products who like that kind of thing. Children, especially, love that kind of thing and I wager won’t be too concerned whether Cadbury and the National Trust call it an Easter egg or not.

I am more concerned by the priorities of people like Sentamu and May. Have neither of them noticed that the latter’s vicious benefit cuts to the working poor and to disabled people, as well as the removal of bereavement benefits, will have slightly more damaging effects, like pushing an awful lot of vulnerable people into poverty? Have neither of them seen the vicious attack on the young asylum seeker in Croydon? Are they not in the least bit concerned with the crises in the NHS and care sectors? Do they think that whether an egg is called an Easter egg or not is right at the heart of the national conversation?

We keep being told about “Christian values” by God-fearing folk but given the actions of Christians like Theresa May, is it any wonder that people are turning their back on religion? She presides over the nastiest, most decisive, right wing government since Thatcher’s, and promises to lurch even further to the extremes with all the disastrous consequences for the very poorest people in the land and that’s all part of her “faith”? If you happen to believe that the alleged Jesus of Nazareth actually existed, do you think he’d be impressed by the words and actions of Sentamu and May? I suppose the God of the Old Testament would be cheering her on.

The most hilarious part of this farcical story is that some National Trust members are thinking of resigning their membership “over the row” which isn’t a row at all, just some Godwhacker and a Margaret Thatcher tribute act working up a right old lather about nothing. If they really want to stop their support for the National Trust, a wonderful organisation that maintains places of historic interest or natural beauty for the nation, because of the omission of the word Easter before egg may I suggest they seek urgent medical help. I have a long list of therapists and counsellors I can recommend to them.

Dear Ben,

I’ve been to see you again this morning. You may think it odd that I should write to you like this since it is pretty obvious that I have no faith and no god and, moreover, losing you has strengthened my unbelief, not weakened it, but nonetheless I wanted you to know that we had not forgotten you, far from it.

Three weeks on and the flowers at the clubhouse have proved to be resilient. Naturally, they are not all in the pristine condition that they were when first laid but those beautiful colours still light up the field, even on yet another clear sunny day. Continue Reading

By our football correspondent E I Addio.

The soccer world was rocked to its foundations last weekend when two seismic events occurred simultaneously: the village third team won and roly poly centre forward Jordan Russell scored. Not only that, but they won 9-2 and Jordan – I am not making this up – scored two perfect hat tricks, thus doubling his goalscoring tally for his entire career (possibly). Bennett was too shocked to comment but mumbled something about this being a sensational victory against top notch opposition which was stretching things a little.

Good news too for the first team who won 4-1 away at Winterbourne with goals from Dennis Cox (2), Fletch and Bartley.

Sadly, the reserves contrived to lose 3-0 at the BAWA club against Kellaway.

Martin Black is 59.

By our intrepid reporter E I Addio

The soccer world was rocked to its foundations today as Stoke Gifford A shared four goals with Bristol Spartak at Little Stoke. Sadly, the goals were spread somewhat unevenly between the two sides as the Village crashed to a 4-0 defeat.

With Big Jordan Russell celebrating his 40th birthday, but playing like he had done all the partying the night before, the Village were not exactly a forward threat, at least not until posh student layabout Henry Winterman was pushed forward and he came nearest to scoring.

Patrolling the left back position in his zimmer frame, Stinky Turner (59), still has a long way to go before he can start repaying the transfer fee he said the Village paid Filton for his latest return, but it spoke volumes about the levels of fitness of portly left back Nigel Johnson that Turner was selected ahead of him.

Boris patrolled the centre circle for much of the game, watching the ball flying over his head and Ben Bennett played like two men. Unfortunately, those two men were Laurel and Hardy.

Man of the match – Henry Winterman.

Stinky Turner is 59.

Good news from the Village first team who won 5-0 at Fishponds.

Cheesy scored a perfect hat trick including – I am not making this up – a left footed half volley. Geraint got the other two.

There was a late scare when Martin ‘the legend’ Black was forced to abandon his zimmer frame and hobbled on for the last few minutes but this was an excellent win.

The Stiffs also had a good win against Cribbs Third team which laughably featured Jo Coles leading the ‘attack’.

Phil Giles scored a hat trick with Naked Nathan getting the fourth. Order was restored in the game when the Village had a penalty which was unaccountably handed to Ian Simple who obviously missed.

Martin Black is 59.