By our football correspondent E I Addio.
The shocker world was rocked to its foundations tonight when the Stoke Gifford second team shared nine goals with the thirds in a thriller at the Field.
The thirds fielded the slowest defence in the history of world football with portly student Nigel Johnson lining up alongside Big Vaughny, a summer signing from Patchway and Ben Bennett with, astonishingly, Jordan Russell more than filling up the goal. A watching James Stephens, suffering from chronic knee knack and limping about with a walking stick, would have added pace to the back four.
There was little in the match during the first half with Jack Burton failing to make a successful pass to his team mates. Guy Long launched a few aimless balls to his forwards but otherwise it was pretty drab fair. Then Denzil scored, as did Naked Nathan Daniels.
Early in the second half, referee Dave Talbot, who showed his levels of fitness by remaining 50 yards behind the play, was substituted by Morph Meaney who took charge without either a whistle of a watch.
Morph was asked how he would know when it was full time. “Because it will be dark!” replied the great man.
Luke Bartley’s decline was there for all to see when he was introduced to the fray in the third team and although the thirds tried the odd attack now and again, the goals really started to flow with Phil Giles (2), Paddon and Nathan completing his hat trick and then adding a fourth. Arshavin threatened to pull a goal back but not really.
Late in the second half, Paddon was booked by referee Morph for a terrible shot that smashed a hole in the Speakeasy roof.
At the death, young Adam pulled a goal back for the thirds but Morph blew his imaginary whistle and the teams headed off to the pub with the final score 8-1 to the seconds.
An highly entertaining evening which leaves the club managers with a series of difficult choices for the weekend ahead. Most of the players were so bad, they have no idea who to pick.
Man of the match – Chopper Moran
John Black is 59.
