Apropos of nothing, I found myself today in the same room as someone who was watching a television show called This Morning, presented by the silver-haired friend of Gordon the Gopher (one for the kids, there), Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby. I am not immune to a bit of lightweight television myself so, out of the corner of my eye, I checked in from time to time. After about 30 seconds, I wondered why I bothered.
The first part of the show concerned Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt who were once an item. A man who appeared to be a ‘showbiz reporter’, speaking from Los Angeles, explained that they might be back together and to that end ITV employed some ‘experts’. Firstly, they invited an astrologer to voice her opinion and sure enough she came out with some mumbo-jumbo about one of the glam couple being a Gemini (like every 12th person on earth) and also that the movement of the stars which would have a positive effect. Then, a man introduced as a ‘body language expert’ gave his view which was every bit as vague and pointless as the astrologer. This was the world of daytime TV. But it got worse.
Next up was TV presenter Vanessa Feltz and her partner Ben Ofoedu who speculated on the latest situation regarding Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle. As with the item about Aniston and Pitt, it was all speculation and guesswork. Fact free television for – and I am sorry to come across all snobby – the hard of thinking. By now, I was in deep shock, until health guru William Williams appeared to teach Phil and Holly the benefits of Beeja Meditation which he had used to help Kate Winslet and Natalie Imbruglia relax. He seemed to be enjoying himself as he gently thumped Holly on the back, at times getting worryingly near her pert posterior. Or perhaps that was just my mind at work. Then Phil and Holly all but fell asleep, literally seconds before I almost did.
Happily, the day was saved by Top Gear’s Chris Harris and Paddy McGuinness, the latter of whom seemed to be suffering from the effects of a new series launch party the night before. In fact, Paddy was having trouble stringing two words together which would have made him a perfect fit for the Aniston, Meghan and Beeja Meditation items.
I suppose I should be grateful that Phil and Holly were hosting the show and not Meghan hater-in-chief Norn Iron’s own Eamonn ‘did I mention that I’m a Man Ure fan?’ Holmes and his wife Ruth but I’m afraid it still represented some of the worst television possible.
