The former Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond says that he doesn’t eat ice cream. “It’s something to do with being straight,” he adds by way of explanation. “Ice cream is a bit… you know?” Well, I do know. It’s a bit ice cream, isn’t it?
There could be a number of possible explanations for Hammond’s bizarre assertions. One is that he was trying to be funny. This is not always easy to do when, love him or hate him, the genuinely funny bloke on Top Gear and the Grand Tour is Jeremy Clarkson. I can forgive most types of jokes if they are genuinely funny but Hammond is nowhere near as funny as Clarkson. Perhaps he was trying to be more interesting, but he is the least interesting bloke on either show. The most interesting bloke is James May who has far more strings to his bow than car shows. Maybe he is an attention seeker?
Perhaps, for some reason, Hammond is showing off about his macho male status? “I am straight and proud of it. Being straight is better than being gay and I am CERTAINLY not gay, oh no.”
Or maybe, like many homophobics, the little man has sexual insecurities of his own? I remember in 1983 when Peter Tatchell stood in the Bermondsey by election which was probably the nastiest, dirtiest by election ever. The campaign became all about Tatchell’s homosexuality and indeed the Liberal Party, now the Lib Dems, ran the most vile campaign of them all, referring to the election as a “straight choice” between Simon Hughes and Tatchell. Tatchell won, but 23 years later Hughes himself was “outed” as gay by the Sun. Hughes motives were about gaining power but he was elected on the back of bigotry, homophobia and, I believe, someone with sexual insecurities of his own.
Whether Hammond is a homophobic bigot, it doesn’t really matter. As James May might say, he is certainly a cock. An embarrassingly flaccid cock who said something that wasn’t funny and would be offensive if you let it get to you. I don’t let it get to me because I quite like ice cream and I like gay people as much as I like everyone else. It’s something about being a human being.
I’d like to draw a line on the non-issue now anyway, whether he apologies or clarifies his comments or not. That he said it suggests wilful offence or sheer stupidity, one of which is what he is. Saying sorry doesn’t change a thing unless that person realises how offensive or stupid they were. And anyway, Hammond is now a fading star, broadcasting a dated genre on a minority TV platform. Soon, he will become part of the “Where are they now?” shows that broadcast late at night on Channel Five.
“Ice cream is a bit…you know?” is not a great line to sign off with, but if he isn’t careful, it will become the catchphrase by which he is remembered. And the short bloke on Top Gear who wasn’t as funny as the other two blokes.
