It’s somewhat illustrative of my life choices that at the moment I change from royal agnostic to royal atheist, which is to say full-fledged republican, the country celebrates the Queen’s platinum jubilee which, it seems to me, cements their place in the British way of life for the foreseeable and even perhaps unforeseeable future. My long-held suspicion that the firm would collapse inwards when the Queen finally dies and Prince Charles becomes King would appear to be in doubt to given the positive reaction he apparently received from the public last night outside Buck House. Even the sound of the 73 year old heir to the thrown referring to his “mummy” was greeted with raucous cheering. Well, the public gets what the public wants even if I don’t get what this society wants.
The main reason I didn’t watch the BBC Platinum Party at Buck House, bar some ill-chosen ‘highlights’, was not because of my feelings to the royals but because of my feelings towards many of the artists appearing. I would not cross the road to watch Queen, with or without Freddie Mercury (these days it is obviously without), nor would want to hear elderly legends like Elton John, whose singing voice has dropped several octaves and Rod Stewart, whose abysmal cover of ‘Sweet Caroline’ suggested he can no longer sing at all. None of this bothered the audience, who were there not to be critical but to dance, sing and do just any old thing. Once they had seen the genuinely sweet video of the Queen engaging in marmalade sandwich chat with Paddington Bear, the audience would have enjoyed anything and that’s just what they did.
We know that no one does this kind of stuff better than the BBC. Weddings, funerals and anniversaries – royal ones, obviously: I don’t think they will be attending our wedding anniversary tomorrow! – are a speciality and the Beeb knows how to find middle England’s G spot. And for many people, the Queen’s Big Gig will be something they will never forget.
At least I know the right time to keep my mouth shut, at least sometimes, and this is one of them. The royal family, for all its vast expense and dysfunctionality, appears to be here to stay and I am going to have to lump it and pay up. Even if I don’t get what this society wants, on the topic of the royals, I’m going underground.
