Blue Monday

It’s cold, and dark, and we are skint after Christmas, and we have failed on our resolutions and we are tired. The third Monday in January is called Blue Monday. And quite rightly, too, because it is literally the most depressing day of the year. Apart from the fact that there is no evidence to prove it’s the most depressing day of the year. That doesn’t stop the media and indeed certain businesses from saying otherwise.

The Mirror reports that high fat fried chicken purveyor KFC is giving away free gravy “to help raise spirits”. It gets worse. This tatty little tabloid continues: “It’s not all doom and gloom, though, as Subway is now handing out its popular cookies for free.” It makes me mad. Free biscuits and gravy to go with my anti-depressants.

How many more times do we need to say that mental illness is an illness? The clue is in the name, mental illness. My long-suffering reader will have read quite enough, I suspect, about my ongoing issues with the Black Dog and although the dark days of winter don’t exactly improve my mood, it doesn’t deepen still further on Blue Monday.

This kind of language, “to raise spirits” and “It’s not all doom and gloom” is from exactly the same playbook as “snap out of it” and “stop being a snowflake”. No other illness is addressed with such levity and, I might add, contempt. People don’t say, “the third Monday in January is Blue Monday and it’s the worst day for cancer sufferers. But don’t worry: you can have some gravy and biscuits to aid your chemo.” And the reason they won’t be so crass is that they respect the seriousness with which we treat cancer.

Put simply, we do not measure depression by dates. I have not planned by next crisis to occur the day I get back from holiday. Nor have I pencilled in my diary in a special bout of severe clinical depression to remind me what a fucked up life I have led.

In fact, I am probably very lucky to be here at all. But for the efforts of my family, friends, various doctors, therapists and counsellors and vast amounts of (legal) drugs, life might have taken some very different turns. I have no idea why a certain episode happened on a particular day, week, year but I can say, without question, that they did not occur because of a glance at the calendar to see what day it was. “Oh God. It’s the third Monday in January. Give me extra drugs.” Bullshit.

The only Blue Monday that really matters is the 12″ version by New Order, simply the best 12 inch single of all time. The idea that Blue Monday is a thing is simply nonsense and a grave insult to anyone who has ever suffered any kind of mental illness.