“Do you think this Christmas will be considerably better than last Christmas?” a young child asked prime liar Boris Johnson as he struggled to switch on the Christmas lights on at 10 Downing Street. “Yes!” replied Johnson, in his best Bertie Booster disguise. Just a few weeks ago, health secretary Sajid Javid announced that it was “going to be a great Christmas”. Fantastic news. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, I know: reality.
The minister for being slimy, Michael Gove, said the data about OMICROM were “deeply concerning” and “very challenging”. Gove said he would “keep everything under review”. You can’t be much clearer than that, can you? We’re worried, we’re keeping an eye on things and carry on preparing for Christmas and party on, unlike number 10 Downing Street, which has cancelled this year’s parties even though we’re not under lockdown, unlike last year when Johnson’s pals partied on even though the rest of us were under lockdown. Unless I am very much mistaken, compliance with further restrictions might just be harder to achieve this year.
The collision between “a great Christmas” and “we face a deeply concerning situation” is far too complex for this boy to understand. Surely we can’t have both, although I have to tell you that I am not going to change my plans for Al ‘You can call me Boris’ Johnson, Sajid Javid or any other here today, gone tomorrow politician. The only way they can stop me living my normal life is if they literally shut everything down and put armed guards outside my front door. I will test frequently for Covid and I will avoid putting vulnerable folk at risk. But Lockdown 2020 was not great for my mental health and the partying politicians can do one if they think I’m going to risk going mad again in 2022.
My gut feeling leads me to the following conclusions:
- Next week, government politicians will be sent out on an hourly basis to tell us things are getting worse
- By midweek, we will be told that things are getting very serious, infections are rocketing etc etc
- By the weekend we will suspect the worst, with all manner of media scare stories
- On Sunday evening, Boris Johnson will address the nation, with a string of onions round his neck, and tearfully announce that Christmas can go ahead as normal, apart from the bits that are normal, and Plan C will be rushed in. “You must stay at home and go to bed.”
I suggest that timetable because Johnson’s instinct is always to dither, to delay important decisions but finally get round to it, adding that these new restrictions are only temporary (say until 2023) and it pains him greatly to bring in these restrictions before hosting a party at Number 10 which we will only find out about next year.
If you were expecting Christmas cheer in this blog, what were you thinking about? Now where are the face masks?
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