As a woke, politically correct snowflake – I’ll say these things before you do – I was a little unsettled yesterday on twitter when someone I considered to be an acquaintance launched into a foul-mouthed, patronising rant against me, knowing, as everyone I know knows, that I have had mental health issues for over 50 years. Don’t worry about me too much: I have been in the Labour Party and was an active trade unionist for much of my life and I’m resilient enough to sustain the slings and arrows of sneering, condescending abuse. But what I wasn’t expecting was a blatant and calculated below the belt jibe suggesting I should “keep taking the tablets”. I was dealing quite well with the blizzard of bombastic buckshot, but I was genuinely shocked to read that and took a screenshot just in case said comment was later deleted. Coming, as this does, at the beginning of #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek, it was a useful reminder of where we are with society’s attitude to mental health.
At this point, I should add that I have made similar comments on social networks. I have referred to people of being ‘unwell’ when they posted utter nonsense on social networks, of others being ‘unhinged’ and urged others to ‘take a chill pill’. Who knows? I may even have said ‘keep taking the tablets’ at one point. If I did, I’m very sorry if you were actually taking the tablets, particularly the antidepressants that enable me to get by. But when it happened to me, I felt my head wobble, like it does when my normally inexhaustible long fuse is set alight. I don’t lash out when this happens. I have to concentrate extra hard to get my head back to normal by controlling my breathing. Yesterday, I did just that but the thing is, I couldn’t get the insult out of my head. How could someone purportedly very intelligent, with a university degree – I have one ‘O’ level – say something so unpleasant? The answer is simple: I have no idea.
I have since removed this person from my social networks. I do not expect a full and public apology, nor do I want one. I do not want to waste one more second of my life, after writing this blog, thinking about him and it. I never want to speak to him again. The damage is done.
As for #MentalHealthAwareness week, I expect the usual brief media mentions and fine words from politicians and celebrities. After the week is over, we can go back to being nasty to each other by saying we should keep taking the tablets. We can make sure that mental health remains the Cinderella service of the NHS and offer sufferers nothing beyond a brief six week spell of therapy and drugs. Be aware, world, and then do fuck all about it.
Unless I have a complete meltdown (see 2017 and the British Red Cross bullies and abusers), I won’t be looking for more therapy. I’ve been having it since 1969 and I don’t think it’s made any difference. I’ll definitely follow the advice to keep taking the tablets and I look forward to having an adult ADHD assessment sometime in the 2030s, the way the NHS is going.
Yes, I’ve done and said some bad things over the years. But in the words of Sleaford’s Bernard Taupin, I’m still standing. I think the dig is a better reflection on the person who made it rather than me.
I made the decision many years ago to ‘come out’ with my mental health issues. I have learned along the way that such a decision is fraught with potential difficulties, that some employers are rather better at dealing with people with poor mental health than others and there are always people who use your demons to attack and belittle you. And my conclusion is that people should always be open about their struggles but be careful who your are open with.
