The air was thick with the deafening sound of barrels being scraped as the A team were forced to call upon some unlikely names to pad out the side this afternoon in the cup.
Foul-mouthed gobshite Bowers returned to the fray under an emergency loan deal and started on the bench. Lacking a goalkeeper, Nigel’s new civil partner Henry Wetherspoon, from New Zeland, stepped into the breach.
At first, the game was a bit of a chess match and you know how fucking boring they are to watch but things soon brightened up when the visitors broke through the middle, Nigel was too slow to chop down the opposing forward and he slotted the ball past a sprawling Wetherspoon.
Bennett gave a rousing half time speech to the assembled players. It went ‘Fuck fuck fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and fuck!’
The second half started off in typical style for the village. Now with the advantage of the breeze and slope they defended deeper and deeper and as the game went on the barely bothered to defend at all.
Two further goals followed as the village tumbled out of the cup.
Nigel was substituted at one point and then came back on. Bennett, realising Nigel is entirely left footed and a defensive player, put him on the right side of midfield where the lumbering tax dodging student improbably almost scored twice.
Chopper and Venables junior played very well although the former demonstrated the IQ of the family late on by kicking the ball away in order to waste time (even though the village were losing 3-0). The referee was not so amused and brandished the distraught youngster with a yellow card.
We would like to add that Gifford were indebted to great performances by Bennett and ‘Big’ Jordan but that would be stretching our credibility a bit.
Man of the match – Henry Wetherspoon. Kicked the ball a long way and has a nice beard.
On the adjoining pitch, the stiffs continued their piss poor start to the season by losing 3-2 to Stoke Rangers. Man of the match – Morph Meaney.
The first team allegedly won 6-1 in the cup. Any reports would be welcome.
