The village cricket world was today rocked to its foundations with the dramatic news that Morph Meaney has been called up to the first team for Saturday’s clash with Bristol Lions.

Following a series of eye-catching man of the match performances for the seconds, Morph’s talents have finally been recognised by first team skipper Dan ‘Five Bellies’ Dunt who said, “I was in the Beaufort the other night having a quick pint or seven when Morph turned up and kept buying me more drinks. When I woke up the next day, I found I had selected him for the first team.”

Morph’s batting this season has taken him on one occasion to the brink of single figures, he has almost taken as many simple catches as he has dropped and he cannot bowl at all.

John Dunt is 59.