As a mere male with major self-loathing issues, I can only begin to imagine the pressures women are under from the media, from big companies; to look a certain way, to conform with what they say looks good. Generally speaking, women are supposed to at least aspire to look like a top model. It is not considered to be good form to not look like, say, Kate Moss. And every woman of a certain age must look like Carol Vorderman. This, I promise you, is not a dig at Ms Vorderman because it’s absolutely none of my business what she chooses to look like, as it should be for everyone else. But it isn’t, is it?
I have slightly modified my opinions on what people do to change their appearance because I realised that, again, it was none of my business. Speaking personally, I do not like the sight of lip fillers. For me, they do nothing to enhance people’s looks, but I included the words ‘for me’ for a reason. People who have lip fillers do so because that’s what they want to do. They don’t do it to make elderly folk like me feel better. They are free to choose. The same goes for breast enhancement, tummy tucks and even hair dye. We’re free to be what we want to be. To a point.
It’s generally agreed that women have a far tougher time than mere men. Because of the way the world operates, there is pressure to look a certain way. Certainly the tabloid newspapers – check out Mail Online – which show very little other than so called beautiful bodies. But when they show what they regard as flawed bodies, they are not slow to point it out. And everywhere you look, there are adverts for slimming companies, aimed mainly, if not solely, at women.
My self-loathing issues are made worse by people pointing them out. I don’t know what makes people do that, other than to make themselves feel better or to make someone else feel worse. I don’t want to look like I do, which is why you will seldom, if ever, see a photo, never mind a selfie, of me on social media. To be fair, my self-loathing in physical form has evolved from my general loathing of the person I am, but having it pointed out helps no one. Women, in one way or another, have this pointed out constantly. Not always directly, but always indirectly through images. And from it has come an explosion in anorexia, bulimia, self-harm and dangerous forms of dieting.
I’m trying to get fitter, more healthy but it’s a real struggle as you get older. And it’s partly because I hate the way I look. Yet the pressure I am under is but nothing compared to what women go through.
Today, I saw a brilliant video of a song called Victoria’s Secret by Jax. Watch it here. This is all about body image and the pernicious way in which people are manipulated to look a certain way. ‘Victoria’ is not some glamour puss, but an old American bloke who has created a successful business. It’s an illusion.
My self-loathing is a part of my clinical depression and I’m resigned to the fact I’ll be stuck with that for life. For my women friends, it’s not something you should have to go through. There’s no such thing as perfect and no one should force you to think there is. The video has an important part to play.
