It was with great enthusiasm that I drove to the Mall at Cribbs Causeway this morning. I have been waiting upon waiting for the release of Steve Lacy’s album Apollo XXI, with the release date being forever delayed like a Bristol bus. Upon first listen, it’s a real contender for my album of 2019 and time will tell whether it actually is. But it’s good, bloody good. Visiting Cribbs Causeway was not so bloody good.
Although the ghastly Christmas music was nowhere to be heard in the stores I visited, HMV still managed to provide something almost as bad, in the form of a new Michael Ball/Alfie Boe collaboration. Quite why anyone would want to listen to them destroying My Way and You’ll Never Walk Alone I shall never know. But if there was no Christmas music, there was plenty of Christmas shopping taking place.
For people like me, Christmas always starts too early. I’d can just about put up with it for a couple of weeks before The Big Day, but the stores up here have been ready in some instances for over a month. And before we blame the stores, let’s look at the evidence. I saw trolley after trolley packed to the brim with Christmas biscuits, Christmas cakes, Christmas decorations, Christmas trees (yes – they are on sale at Asda, amongst other places) and Christmas sodding everything else. There is not just some demand for Christmas: it’s everywhere. I am assuming that by early December, the shelves will begin to fill up with Easter Eggs. Much worse than Christmas was Children In Need.
Wandering aimlessly around the ground level of the Mall, I observed this bicycle contraption trundling around. On closer inspection, the cyclist doing all the work while others waved buckets was my old friend Geoff Twentyman, former footballer and now Radio Bristol presenter. A pleasant hand shake (in his case, it’s always a hand crush), a few pleasantries (he’s a top, top man) and it turned out he was raising money for Children in Need, bless him. Not that I would have known had it not been Geoff because there were no signs or announcements that Radio Bristol were involved or whatever the hell was going on. I excuse Geoff because he’s an old mate and a lovely fellah, but I can’t bloody stand large elements of Children in Need.
I know that there are plenty of children in need and that all those who do the collecting do so with the best and most noble motives. I just have this thing about being harangued by very rich people on telly who say my fiver and my tenner could help someone’s life. And I think something else: why on earth do we have a country where people don’t believe children in need should be looked after and cared for by everyone in society and not just left to the generosity of The Great British Public through their voluntary donations?
My feelings on charity changed forever one day in 1985 when Live Aid took place at Wembley and in Philadelphia to raise money to address starvation in Africa, where a bunch of fading pop stars relaunched their careers – yes, I mean you, Queen – by giving their services for free for one day. I mean, I gave a few quid that day, even if I didn’t have a pot to piss in. I am not poor today but my feelings have barely changed. It doesn’t change anything. It’s still a bit of sticking plaster.
Tonight – and I promise I haven’t checked in advance – I expect to see the casts of Casualty and EastEnders doing a sing and dance routine. I anticipate cameo appearances by tiresome MOR entertainers like James Blunt and Ed Sheehan ‘doing their bit for chariddy’, all introduced by fabulously rich presenters who probably earn in an hour what I earn in a year. Not that I am bitter and jealous, mind.
Give and give generously, by all means. Your money will be wisely spent on the young children we collectively don’t give a toss about and governments of all colours can continue to evade their own responsibilities to the worst off people in society.
Premature christmas shopping and moaning about one of the country’s major charity events. Tells you a lot about me, doesn’t it? Now bugger off because I am going to listen to the new Steve Lacy album. Again.
