This septic isle

It’s good to know that the Queen, Duke of Edinburgh, Prince of Wales and the rest of the Royal Family are “delighted” at the result of Prince Harry’s latest successful ejaculation, “and wish them well”. I am a great believer in the old adage that you can only really understand how stupid a statement is if you can imagine the Queen and her entourage saying the exact opposite. “The Queen, Duke of Edinburgh, Prince of Wales and the rest of the Royal Family “devastated” or “saddened” at the news. Still, a little royal semen can go a long way in a lady’s nether regions. No wonder Harry and the lovely Meghan are “overjoyed”. 

The gutter press, even the Mail which recently lost a court case to Meghan, is positive about Sussex sprog number two. Only the newspaper for the extremely hard-of-thinking, the Star, has a mild pop by declaring ‘Publicity shy woman tells 7.67m people: I’m pregnant’. That Meghan suffered a heart-breaking miscarriage last year is lost on the Star. Strangely, such nasty, petty digs by the red tops are never aimed at other royals like Kate Middleton or Eugenie Brooksbank. If only there was an obvious reason for this…

My loyal and long-suffering reader will know of my general apathy to the royal family which is, I feel, an anachronistic, dysfunctional family business, but apathy is as far as it gets. I know that their main job, if that’s the right word, is to rush around the country shaking hands with people and giving public support to worthwhile causes and when things get very bad in the country, the Queen gets wheeled out to say a few solemn words, but for all that most people seem to like it. To be honest, I’m a half-hearted republican and rather than having another angry debate like we had over Brexit, which didn’t exactly end well, I’d rather that the royals live or die by way of evolution. However, I am very fond of Harry and Meghan.

They seem to be the nearest thing we have ever had to ‘normal royals’. And unlike most of their predecessors they actually want to enjoy a more ‘normal’ life to the extent that they don’t want to be funded by anyone other than themselves. To me, it is immaterial if Harry and Meghan make money purely by virtue of being twice-removed royals and not by dint of any particular talents they may possess. Let’s be honest: the one thing the royals are best at doing is living.

Harry and Meghan know that because of who they are, the media will not be far behind. What the media should not be free to do is to invade their privacy and lie about them. Perhaps, if the media had behaved a bit better, going back to the death of Harry’s mother, they may not have decided to leave this septic isle.

Anyway, well done Harry and Meghan. Another little ‘un is on the way and I am sure you enjoyed making it. Come and see us soon.