Mustering as much slap-headed macho as he can, Stapleton Road’s worst product starts work at the Department of Health and Social Care following the Cockgate scandal. Yes, it’s the return of Sajid Javid, your actual Mekon, the ruler of the Treens of northern Venus. He looks at the Sky reporter and speaks: “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do you, punk?”
The Saj has his jacket off and thinks he looks hard. And so he should. He spends a bit of time in Bromsgrove, nearby Birmingham’s equivalent of the Bronx. Unblinkingly, the Saj says the words we want to hear:
“I want to see the restrictions lifted and life going back to normal as quickly as possible. That is my absolute priority. I want to see those restrictions lifted as soon as we can.
“It’s going to be irreversible, there’s no going back. That’s why we want to be careful during that process.”
He’s stating the bleeding obvious. People’s health is not his absolute priority. They’re collateral damage. Of course, there’s no going back. His predecessor Matt Hancock has seen to that. The Saj knows that the public has had it with slimy little toads like Hancock who set out the rules for everyone else but not themselves. And he’s a man of the people, son of a bus driver, pupil of Downend Comprehensive School, currently closed due to Covid, and attendee at Filton College.
This is going to some ride for the Saj, especially his hostage to fortune ‘irreversible’ move to end restrictions. If he sticks to this – and given Boris Johnson first came up with this word, he surely will – then we are in for a bumpy road. Has he thought it through?
New cases are increasing by over 50% in a week now and if they carry on at their current rate we could see 66,000 new cases a day by the time we reach Johnson’s ‘Freedom Day’. If people aren’t being admitted to hospital and dying, it could be argued the policy is justified. Hell, even this old cynic wants to open up officially because unofficially we are already there. But let’s dig deeper.
If people are testing positive after 19th July, they will presumably be told to isolate, as will people they live with, work with and meet. Workplaces will be in chaos, schools will be closing – things could be even worse than they are now. Where the hell is the plan?
We have been told by both politicians and actual experts that we will have to live with coronavirus and it looks like we will start living with it from 19th July. But it won’t be freedom day really if test, track and trace and then stay at home is still in force.
But the Mekon is strong. He has a swagger, he is strong, he is the Saj. Forward to absolute chaos, the chaos we all want, the chaos we all voted for, the chaos unlocking will bring.
Johnson sowed all the chaos. Let him and the Saj sort it all out. Chaos is the new normal. See you at the bar, in the pub.
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