Having not ‘done’ a half board holiday for 20 years, I was slightly apprehensive about the age old tradition of securing a sun bed by getting up at the crack of dawn and leaving towels in place, thus foiling the intentions of those who prefer to get up at a more civilised hour. Our hotel in Formentera assured me when I contacted them in advance of our holiday that “there (were) plenty of sun beds to go round”, something that has turned out to be true but the local hotel staff say “it won’t be like this in July and August”. With four days left of our holiday remaining, there are still plenty of beds available, but the times they are a-changing.
I was always led to believe that the problem with sun beds was the Germans. Not just a few of them: the entire German race. Having failed to secure world domination in another era, all that was left for them was to win the battle of the sun beds. I have never accepted this narrative, certainly not since our Ibiza holiday of 2003 when it was plucky Brits who were up at sunrise, securing not just the best spots around the pool but all of them. It pissed me off then and it pisses me off today and I’m just glad I’m not here in peak summer because it would drive me mad.
This is the most diverse crowd I have ever holidayed with, at least in terms of nationalities. In terms of colour it’s among the least with there being just the one black man at this sprawling complex. In terms of hogging the early sun beds, this is very much the Italian Job.
It surprises me that there are so many Italians here in the Balearics as we usually find in Greece. I’ve never been to Italy but from what people tell me the climate is more than acceptable to a sun seeker and that it’s a gorgeous country. And surely they can’t be here because Formentera is cheaper because £14 for a pint and a G&T is not what I call cheap. It must be something else, maybe just being somewhere different?
As Brits, we’re keen to say that if the weather was like it is in Greece and Spain, we’d never go abroad. There is some truth in that, although if we had a Mediterranean climate we would no longer be a green and pleasant land. But if the sun was all you wanted – and let’s face it: why do most people go to hot countries? – your own back garden might be a decent alternative to flying halfway round the world for overpriced drink and the local muck (food)? With any luck, you might even be able to get a sun bed in the back garden?
I seem to remember that some years ago, the travel company Thomas Cook tried to launch a scheme where your sun bed at the resort would be reserved for you so you wouldn’t need to fret about where you would spend the daylight hours. Well, look what happened to them? They went through the hoop and now we’re back to the nauseating dawn scramble for sun beds because no one except me really cares.
At the back of my mind lies the fear that one morning I won’t have anywhere on which to grill my lily-white flab because each and every sun bed will be occupied by nothing more than a towel. This hasn’t happened yet and I suspect won’t happen this week and it’s not spoiling my holiday but it’s a useful reminder to me, at least, that if you like nothing better than slumbering on a sun bed and reading a book then don’t visit in July and August.
Now excuse me, if you don’t mind. I’ve got a sun bed to lie on. Unless some bugger puts a towel on it first.
