Many years ago, I went to my GP in search of more mental health conditions that I might have. OCD? Some signs, but not enough. Anxiety? For sure. Then how about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? The GP asked some questions and from my answers concluded that I might have it, but then it might be my depression. What can I do about it? Well, not much really. Not much? Nothing at all, to be honest. I might have made up some of that conversation but that was the gist of it. Anyway, according to the NHS, here are the symptoms:
- a persistent low mood
- a loss of pleasure or interest in normal everyday activities
- feeling irritable
- feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness
- low self-esteem
- tearfulness
- feeling stressed or anxious
- a reduced sex drive
- becoming less sociable
In addition to symptoms of depression, you may also:
- be less active than normal
- feel lethargic (lacking in energy) and sleepy during the day
- sleep for longer than normal and find it hard to get up in the morning
- find it difficult to concentrate
- have an increased appetite – some people have a particular craving for foods containing lots of carbohydrates and end up gaining weight as a result
These symptoms may make everyday activities increasingly difficult.
But hang on a minute. These are the exact same symptoms of depression. The NHS website even says so. How will I know I’ve got SAD when I’ve already got all the symptoms for something else? And even if I could get a diagnosis, I understand that the drugs will be the same as the ones I am on now. They might offer light therapy but NICE isn’t convinced it works. So, what’s the fucking point? I’ll just diagnose myself.
My depression is varying levels of rubbish all year and in winter, without exception, it gets worse. The short, dark, cold days and the long, dark, cold nights see me wishing my life away. I find myself not so much looking forward to Christmas but getting past the shortest day. I absolutely hate winter, whether it’s cold, mild, dark, light, dry, wet; any type of winter. This year, as every year, it starts in November and hangs around in various degrees until March. Then it’s merely severe clinical depression I have to put up with. Get in!
So today it’s depression, anxiety, ADHD and SAD. What new demons can I find in 2023?
