Real men don’t hit women

I’ve been a great believer in the saying ‘real men don’t hit women’. There have been numerous deconstructions of the phrase, some of which have challenged its validity, the main one, it seems to me, revolves around one’s interpretation and definition of what and who a ‘real man’ is. And I understand that. Some argue that the saying should be ‘good men don’t hit women’ and of course I agree with that, too. But I am not giving up on ‘real men’ not hitting women.

I suppose it comes down to what a real man is. I would not subscribe to a view that suggests a real man inhabits a macho world of strength, the real man who kicks sand in the face of the little guy on the beach. It’s more about values and respect.

I’m a writer, albeit a very bad and unsuccessful one, not a fighter. If I was to get into a fight – and that’s not something I am inclined to do – the odds are I’d lose to an early knock out. However, the knowledge of my physical limitations would never stop me from saying and doing what I believe to be right. What is the point in subscribing to various views and principles if you are not prepared to articulate them? Does that make me less of a real man than someone who could quite easily punch my lights out?

Yes, a good man would never hit a woman but I’d definitely add that a real man wouldn’t either. The real man respects women, treats them as equal, does not regard them as somehow weaker than men. I am not unaware of the simple fact that men are usually physically stronger than women but in terms of how that plays out in every day life, no real man would ever, in any circumstances imaginable, exercise that physical superiority by displaying violence. That man is weak, bad and – I still think – not a real man.

In any event, do we really need to descend into pedantry into order to debate the inexcusable and the unacceptable? I know exactly what I mean when I am saying ‘real men don’t hit women’ and I’d like to think you do, too.