Political correctness gone mad

The absolute best thing about Boris Johnson’s otherwise catastrophically damaging political career just has to be the return of Imperial measurements. For old people like me – and let’s face it, barely anyone under 60 has ever used Pounds, Shillings and Pence and Pounds and Ounces – this is just what we needed.

Only last night, I went into my local pub and, honestly, this political correctness gone mad really gets to me. “A pint of Timothy Taylor’s Landlord, please,” I asked. “Sorry, Sir,” replied the bar person, “That will be 568ml of Landlord to you.” I shook my head. This is what half a century of being told what to do by unelected bureaucrats blah blah blah. Now where’s my Daily Mail? But in my imaginary world, things got even worse.

What could be better after a few 568mls of beer than a burger, so off we went to McDonalds. “A quarter pounder, please,” I asked. “Sorry, Sir,” came the reply. “That’ll be a 0.1133981g burger. I’m afraid we don’t sell quarter pounders due to wokery.” I can only imagine how angry I’m going to be later when I need to buy a four pint bottle of milk, only to see the measurement as being 2.2721 litres. (It does say four pints, too, but let’s not facts get in the way of a good rant.) I’ll probably go by car after I’ve filled up with a few gallons of unleaded. “No, Sir: it’s litres!” Aargh!

All this is of course nonsense. No one has stopped me buying a pint of beer nor on the rare occasions I use McDonalds (other high fat food outlets are available) has anyone refused to sell me a quarter pounder. And when I get ripped off at the petrol station, I never once think about gallons because I understand the pricing in litres.  And the whole point of Johnson’s announcement is distraction politics.

Granted, Johnson is trying to pander to the age demographic which bought into his lies about the EU and voted to leave Europe, assuming as he will do that older folk believe everything was oh so much better in the old days and that somehow the gentle transition to the metric way of doing things was foisted upon us against our will. Ask anyone young and they will wonder what on Earth Johnson is on about. Not only do they not remember the antiquated Imperial measures, they don’t care and don’t see the point droning on about it. Johnson wants to talk about it because the economy is tanking, that he’s in trouble for lying and partying and if he can change the narrative he can carry on lying. He wants us to look the other way.

And it’s not just distraction politics, it’s part of Johnson’s ongoing culture wars. He says he got Brexit done – another lie – but in the same breath says the eternal bogey man of Europe is somehow still controlling our lives, just like it did when it banned us from drinking pints and eating quarter pounders. Oh, wait. They didn’t, but if you tell a lie often and loud enough, you might get away with it.

I’d love to go on about this but I have to prepare my lunch which is 125g of ham. Whatever happened to a quarter of ham, like my grandmother used to buy? And more than that, who cares?