Look at me, I’m wonderful

Narcissists (are) ‘horrible people but happy’, says the BBC website. True or false? Surely the answer has to be both? The likes of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson plainly adore themselves, are definitely ‘horrible people’ and they appear to be ‘happy’. But not all narcissists are world leaders, are they?

The dictionary definition for the noun narcissist is this: ‘a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.’ You see this person every single day on social networks. Most of us have posted a selfie now and again and some post them on a very regular basis. I post them very, very rarely because I don’t particularly care for the way I look. Others post selfies on an industrial scale, sometimes in a state of relative undress. There is a reason for this: they adore themselves and want everyone else to adore them.

There is no other logical explanation. You would not want the world to see you as you see yourself if you thought you looked like a twat. I don’t see some kind of beauty that isn’t there when I look in a mirror: I see a man who looks like he has Bell’s Palsy or a bad toothache.

It is not just a man or woman thing. The exposure of areas of naked flesh are probably more suitable for porn sites than, say, twitter and those who post them must have an inkling that – and how shall I phrase this? – there are social networks are being used, at least by some people, in the same way as they might use Porn Hub. I’m not sure I’d want to think of my daughter, for example, if I had one, to be regarded in that way by dirty old men. Still, it takes all sorts.

It’s probably, as in most things, just me. I look in the mirror and see a scar on one cheek and the many other faults I carry around with me. Others look in the mirror and see the ultimate in human beauty and they feel the need to share it. “Look at me, I’m wonderful.”

It’s always possible that some people who constantly share photographs on social networks are ill. There is a condition called ‘narcissistic personality disorder’ (NPD) and on that basis before we accuse people of narcissistic tendencies consider that people might actually need treatment. And when I see some selfies on social networks, I rather think that might be the case.

Ultimately, it’s a question of live and let live.By all means share as many selfies of yourself as you want to and be as undressed as you like. I retain the right to unfollow and block acres of unwanted and unpleasant flesh and that’s what I will continue to do.

Self-love is one thing. Loving yourself is quite another.