King of the world

Faced with the formidable and forensic interviewing skills of…er…Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby, our part time prime minister Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Vampires Haircut Wall-Spaffer Spunk-Burster Fuck-Business Fuck-the-Families Get-Off-My-Fucking-Laptop Girly-Swot Big-Girl’s-Blouse Chicken-frit Hulk-Smash Noseringed-Crusties Death-Humbug Technology-Lessons Surrender-Bullshit French-Turds Dog-Whistle Get-Stuffed FactcheckUK@CCHQ 88%-lies Get-Brexit-Done Bung-a-Bob-for-Big-Ben’s-Bongs Cocaine-Event Spiritual-Worth Virus-Handshake Three-Men-and-a-Dog Johnson* announces that one way of dealing with the current coronavirus crisis is to “take it on the chin”. In other words, simply allow the virus to run its course in Britain until it fizzles out. I can already see people nodding along in agreement. “Boris tells it like it is,” they say. “Anyway, for most people it will be little more than a minor inconvenience.”

In this scenario, those who will be taking it on the chin will be the most vulnerable in society, mainly older people and mainly older people with underlying health issues. Some of these people will, as we have previously observed, be related to us, or live next door to us, or people we support in our jobs.

But only small numbers of people have been affected so far, right? People die of all sorts of stuff, including the winter flu. what’s so special about this? Lots, actually.

We learn today that the fatality rate in Italy is, depending on which source you believe, anywhere between 5% and 6.4%. This might not sound a great deal, but let’s put it in perspective.

In an entirely possible scenario, let’s say that the fatality rate in Britain is 3%. If 60% of the population Britain was infected there would be 1.2 million deaths. On that fatality rate, if 80% of the population was infected there would be 1.6 million deaths. But the rate of infection in Italy is something like double that. In terms of fatalities, you do the maths. We would surely all know someone in any of those numbers.

The projected fatality rates are bad enough in themselves – of course, they are the very worst thing about the coronavirus, obviously – but there’s much more. Our infrastructure is all but broken. The NHS, already overstretched, will be overwhelmed. What will happen to those who depend on social care when their care workers – low skilled, according to the Conservative Party – can’t go to visit them? What will happen when panic=stricken people overwhelm supermarkets? What will happen when millions of low paid workers, including those in the gig economy, become ill but feel they can’t afford to stop work? Is it beyond the realms of possibility to see a breakdown in society and the days of people panicking over a few bog rolls will seem like the good old days?

Already the old, the vulnerable and those with reduced mobility are being left behind and forgotten. They can’t buy a toilet roll today. Will they be able to buy a meal tomorrow? But some people don’t seem to be bothered. I read that sales in freezers have increased as people seek to stock up for the quarantine ahead. In the meantime, Boris Johnson suggests we “take it on the chin.”

Johnson’s buffoon act has had its day. The novelty of him deliberately ruffling his hair before he appears on TV has long worn off. He has sacrificed everything, especially his principles, to be prime minister. All he ever wanted was to be king and now he is, but more King Canute than any other king I can think of.

* The Johnson name was created by Stewart Lee in the Observer.