Infamy, infamy…

In yesterday’s blog, A Leaf On A Windy Day, I wrote about the government’s secret plans for a new lockdown, which had been leaked in advance. As you can imagine, the the government was livid and launched an inquiry to find out who leaked it all. By the end of the day, details of the new lockdown were leaked by a ‘source’ to ITV’s Robert Peston and were already common knowledge by the time Dominic Cummings despatched Boris Johnson to his usual lectern to break the grim news. You can’t trust anyone these days, can you?

You certainly can’t trust Boris Johnson on pretty well anything. If he says we will be locked down until 2nd December, you know it will be longer than that and – surprise, surprise – the cabinet office minister and actual slug Michael Gove said as much on telly this morning. Noises off suggest the lockdown could last until Christmas, whereupon Santa Johnson will appear on the steps of Downing Street to announce that for one day only – Christmas Day – the coronavirus will take a break and we won’t risk killing granny. Then, we will all live happily ever after, at least until the first week of the New Year when we lock down again. Laugh? I nearly died laughing.

For me, it’s my fifth attempt at having a holiday lying in ruins, with only the dream of how our week in an isolated cottage near the coast of North Cornwall would have looked. Like you, I suspect, I am mentally drained and so needed a week of walking, reading books and giving what’s left of my brain a break from our grim reality. Some hope.

The details of the new Cummings/Johnson lockdown are becoming clearer by the day. Golf will be banned on the obvious grounds that a long walk in the fresh air, usually at considerable distance from anyone else, is bad for you. If you like to swim, despite clear evidence it does lots of good and is barely responsible for spreading any COVID-19 at all, Johnson says you can’t. In fact, Cummings and Johnson have banned pretty well everything that can make you fitter and healthier. It’s almost as if they hate us.

Speaking of Cummings, I note that one of the rules – ‘Overnight stays, staying in a second home, and holidays will not be allowed – including in the UK and abroad – although there are exceptions, such as work trips‘ would have properly buggered him in April when he took a week’s holiday in his second home in Durham and the trip to Barnard Castle as a treat for his wife on her birthday would surely have contravened the ‘stay at home’ advice. But wait: Cummings is a prominent member of the illiberal elite establishment. These rules aren’t for people like him. The rules are for the riff-raff who won’t even get paid if told by the employer to isolate.

I’m taking it all very personally. Because my mental health declined during the first lockdown, I have once again been in therapy for my depression. I’ve got one session remaining and it will take place just after the second lockdown has started. I reckon those absolute bastards are out to get me. Infamy, infamy…they’ve all got it in infamy (in for me – get it?).

Just remember, if you will, one simple thing about Boris Johnson: never believe anything he says. You always know he is lying when his lips are moving. And it is his incompetence and dithering that has forced a belated lockdown on our broken and divided country.

I shall interpret the new government rules in the way that best suits my family, my friends and myself. I will take responsibility for my own actions and live my life the way I want to. If Dominic Cummings can do that, then so can I. I am not urging anyone to break the law. All am I saying is that I know what the law is and I will take it into account with my decision-making. And I won’t judge you on whether you obey the law, ignore it or live the way I’m going to.

Finally, if anything I have written today gets leaked, I shall launch a full inquiry and I’ll leak the results of my inquiry to ITV’s Robert Peston. In the meantime, fuck you Johnson and fuck you Cummings. This is your shit show: sort it out. And definitely sort out test, track and trace otherwise this new lockdown will be a complete waste of time.