Happiness is egg-shaped

Would you believe I had to visit four different supermarkets today just to get some eggs? It’s ridiculous. This bird flu malarkey has meant there are egg shortages and people are panic-buying. It’s like in Covid when people were panic-buying pasta and bog rolls which caused…shortages. I wasn’t panicking though. I’m down to my last 48 eggs and I had to make sure I have an adequate supply JUST IN CASE. Just in case of what, I’ll never know.

Of course I have been doing none of the above, but it’s pretty clear someone has, otherwise the egg shelves, as I observed earlier, wouldn’t be so devoid of eggs. So, I decided to do some in-depth research to find out why.

The reasons are far more complex than I ever imagined. I just put it down to sheer greed and selfishness but one study (yes, people study this shit) revealed that “(previous studies) have highlighted key themes which are correlated with panic buying: uncertainty, fear and anxiety, a lack of trust, the perception of the crisis, social behaviours and conformity, a means of coping and a means of gaining control.” In a nutshell, it’s a level of fear and anxiety and not so much about people being complete twats. And it makes slightly more sense.

I must admit to some level of nervousness in 2020 when the bog rolls were running out. We would have managed somehow, possibly by buying up copies of the Daily Mail and The Sun, and in truth it never reached absolute crisis time in our house. Pasta, on the other hand, I wasn’t too bothered about. I mean, pasta is dead handy but to be honest I’d be happier with a potato-based meal any day of the week. Chips, mainly.

I can only imagine what will happen if this bird flu induced panic brings about fears that people won’t get their Christmas Turkey. Or that vast queues will cause gridlock around KFC franchises as folk try to horde the good Colonel’s mystery coated high fat boxes of food. Perhaps, I shouldn’t even have suggested it because millions of my readers (is this right? – ed) may take this as a cue to stock up right away and deprive the rest of us of our fowl food. It won’t bother me too much, as long as bird flu doesn’t leap into cows because I’m aiming for a joint of beef this year, in order to give turkey’s a break.

My advice to you is definitely panic. Anxiety is actually a mental illness so if spending many hours searching for a box of free range eggs can ease your mind, then just get out there. Now excuse me while I sign off and make a few omelettes. I’ve got to do something with all these eggs.