I fear that I am now getting to that point in my life where I need to do something about my hair. Unsurprisingly, it’s getting a bit thinner now I am entering old age and the options are narrowing. I consider myself very lucky to have got this far without significant hair loss, given that both my grandfathers were bald in their mid twenties. But time waits for no one and it’s time to take action. So what should I do?
I appreciate this is all about male vanity and no one else really gives a toss, but here are my options:
- Buy a wig
- Get a hair transplant
- Have a comb over
- Accept the inevitability
The first option I dismiss at the outset. Many years ago, I had a lovely neighbour who was bald. It was not something that concerned me, but one day I looked out of the backroom window and there he was, mowing the grass with a lustrous head of hair which seemed previously to belong to someone else. Anyway, for days I basically hid from him until he caught me unawares and said, pointing at his new hair, “What do you think?” I lied. “Very nice,” was all I could come up with. It looked ridiculous and sat on his head like a hat. My guess is that everyone he knew thought the same as I did. But you’d never say that, would you? From that day onwards, I ruled out wigs if the worst happened to me.
I didn’t even mention the sheer expense of buying a wig, but that pales into insignificance compared to having a transplant. But even the cost is not the reason I wouldn’t consider it; I just can’t be bothered.
Next was the Bobby Charlton, Donald Trump comb over option, growing the bits you have left to cover the areas you haven’t, but that is fraught with difficulty. It requires time and patience in order to comb over and then cover it in something that won’t become dishevelled in bad weather. It simply looks ridiculous and smacks of being in denial.
I watched the Conservative party leadership campaign with all-consuming apathy until one evening ‘Dishy’ Rishi Sunak’s elaborate side-head parting slipped, revealing a huge bald spot on top. I’m afraid that every time I’ve seen him since, it’s the first thing I look out for. Pathetic. But then, I think Sunak was pretty pathetic trying to cover up the reality. Which leads me to the nuclear option: go with it.
I like having hair. Who doesn’t? I never comb it, I only ever wash it with water, it’s remarkably brown for an old person; there’s just less of it. Perhaps, it’s because I am so old I no longer care so much. Because I’m going to have my hair cut nice and short. Otherwise I might look a twat.
There’s no one to blame. Just my grandfathers for going bald quite so quickly. Then again, I don’t suppose it’s an option they would have chosen. What do they say? Hair today, gone tomorrow?
