Well, maybe there is a God after all? After writing a lengthy, possibly rambling blog detailing the likely end of the road for my mental health treatment, He arrived in the early hours to allow me to think about something else: an horrendous tummy bug, perhaps the ‘winter vomiting bug’, Norovirus? Who knows? Either way, the early hours were not the most enjoyable. In case you are enjoy a mid morning snack, I have decided not to inflict the details on you.
I can hear you thinking: why would God do something awful like that? When you’re near your lowest mental ebb, why not have a smidgeon of tummy trouble? Well, that’s how God works. In the bible, he killed something like 25 million people, drowning 20 million of them in the flood of Noah. Long ago, I threw my lot in with Satan, who only killed ten people and even they were in a bet with God, basically the seven sons and three daughters of Job.
I’m joking of course because God doesn’t exist. To be accurate, Gods don’t exist. Throughout history, it is estimated that some 100,000 Gods have been worshipped. Believers are atheists when it comes to 99,999 Gods. Some of us go one God further.
If He did exist, my mental and physical issues would be directly attributable to him. He created me, took his eye off the ball and left me with clinical depression and a ‘winter vomiting bug’. Or maybe he did create me but thought he would punish me, like he did to countless millions in the bible, by making me miserable and incontinent.
Boy, I’m in real trouble if there really is a supernatural dictator, above the clouds, directing our lives, like a celestial air traffic controller. He will doubtless be furious at my piss taking but I don’t care about that.
I saw who the devil was in the Netflix series Lucifer and he struck me as a pretty decent guy. He was always surrounded by beautiful women and unlimited booze and neither seemed to do him any harm.
At 2.00am, I honestly felt like my time had come. I felt so ill my arrival at the Pearly Gates couldn’t come quick enough. Now, hollowed out physically and mentally, I’ll carry on as best I can. If you are there, God/Lucifer, can’t you perform some magic to enable me to sit still for a few hours? I’m not holding my breath…
