So far this year, the best headline is this: “KFC shuts more stores in chicken crisis.” The story is, apparently, that KFC’s new delivery contractors DHL have failed to deliver any dead chickens to hundreds of stores nationwide, leaving thousands of drunks returning from the pub without a supper they probably didn’t want anyway.
It’s an odd one. I went to my local Sainsburys this morning and there were bits of dead animal everywhere. On the deli counter, the hot dead animal food section, dead animal Sunday joints and of course dead animals on pizzas and in pies. Christ: I sound like a vegetarian or vegan. I’m not, but perhaps I should be.
The chicken crisis is probably not a crisis for millions of chickens who might get a few hours of extra life before they are electrocuted on the mass production line. It is a crisis for the company’s minimum wage staff who have been told by their generous employer that they can take part of their annual leave if the store runs out of chicken or simply not be paid. Still, it’s better than being a chicken, I suppose.
I have nothing against KFC. As a once in a blue moon treat, you can’t beat it. True, it’s a heart attack in a box but as long as you don’t have a party bucket every day and dine normally on healthier foods, it’s not going to kill you. Personally, as I am trying and currently failing to lose weight, fried chicken is not part of my calorie uncontrolled diet.
Is there anything more sinister going on with the Colonel’s favourite food? Is there something amiss with the business model? I have absolutely no idea and apart from the long-suffering lowly paid employees, I have absolutely no interest. As crises go, this is not a crisis at all. It’s a bit of a cock up, a pain in the arse for people who are addicted to junk food. Anyway, if the KFC is closed, people can actually go to a supermarket, buy some ingredients and – wait for this – cook something themselves at a fraction of the cost.
For a few more days, Coronary Care Units can rest easy. We can all go to MacDonalds instead.
