Don’t go out at night

In terms of my relationships with the opposite sex, I have not always behaved as I should have. Sometimes, I was cowardly in ending relationships, sometimes I was selfish in doing what I wanted to do above what anyone else wanted to do. I can’t change that, but I am sorry I didn’t always do better. But what I always did when on a date, or simply when out with a female friend in a platonic relationship, was to ensure she got home safely. There was never a time when I left a girl to walk home alone. Going out of my way was the right thing to do. Yet I never once thought that somehow this was wrong. Why should I need to do this? Why wasn’t a woman safe to walk home at night on her own?

Tomorrow’s headlines will tell a story. The precise details of Sarah Everard’s disappearance are not known yet. That human remains have been discovered tonight makes me fear the worst. It looks like she definitely wasn’t safe to walk home alone. But why wasn’t she and why do people like me still feel the real need to make sure women are accompanied when the sun goes down?

My first experience of this was when my mum, when picking me up from my grandparents’ house where I went after primary and junior school, was confronted by a man who blocked the pavement on the dark road near her final destination. I found out many years later the man was naked from the waist down and was masturbating in front of her. She walked straight past him, as if he wasn’t there, but her heart was pounding out of her chest. He was nothing more, people said, than a ‘flasher’, in the same way that paedophiles were merely dirty old men. It was accepted that there were people like the phantom flasher of Brislington everywhere. But why?

Today, if my partner goes to our local pub with her best friends, I make sure I collect her if she has to walk on her own for any part of the journey. As I did in times gone by, I don’t feel it’s safe for her to walk alone. Sadly, I don’t think it is.

When I am out alone, it’s a different story. I seek out the darkest areas because once my eyesight has adjusted, that’s where I am safest. I find the light areas by the darkness the most concerning. No one hides in the light. But if someone is hiding in the dark, they won’t be able to put me at a disadvantage. I don’t know if there is any science to this, but it works for me. But I would never expect a woman to behave as I do.

We need a national, probably international, debate about this. Why are women not able to walk safely on the streets regardless of the time of day? Why do people like me feel an overwhelming urge to ensure women do not walk alone at night? And why are some men abusive to women who are just out walking?

Not all of these abusers are out to commit murder, but how about rapists and common or garden flashers? My guess is that any such assault could traumatise a victim for life.

In the coming days, we are about to find out some grim details about a woman who disappeared. It’s going to be shocking and our whole society should reflect on who we are and what our society has become. This is the tip of a very large iceberg. Why are women not safe to go out alone at night? Until we address this shocking state of affairs, nothing will change.