Be smart

This morning, a small box arrived through my letter box. I knew what it was because I had been pre-warned a few days ago. It was my NHS bowel cancer screening kit.

When you reach a certain age – it’s 56 in England – you are invited to take a test and, if you have any sense, you take it. I will not describe the process because it refers specifically to excrement and the collection of it. Anyway, a few years ago my first kit arrived and I did what many men do: I put it to one side and hoped it would go away. Who wanted bowel cancer? I’d rather take my chances, thank you very much. I’ll be the lucky one, nothing to worry about. But then I had a jolt. A local man I knew reasonably well had been suffering from, among other things, exhaustion. His GP put it down to all sorts of things but certainly not bowel cancer. But a few weeks later, with the symptoms not going anywhere, he went off for tests. The results were not good.

I spoke to him in my local pub. He explained what had happened and I asked him what kind of treatment he would be having. “Palliative”, he replied. ‘What, you mean it’s cancer?” “Yes, incurable cancer.” This was not possible. This man was larger and louder than life. Still under 60, he was built like a brick shit house and appeared to be the fittest man in the room. I had no idea what to say.

He was unlucky. At the time, bowel screening started at 60 so he missed out. We cannot know for sure, but if he had received earlier screening the cancer might have been found. And you know what they say: the quicker you find cancer, the better chance you have of defeating it.

The next morning, I found my own screening kit, carried out the necessary activity and sent it – my poo – to a lab. Two weeks later, the test came back clear. I was relieved but also reassured because if bowel cancer appeared in the coming years, I’d have a puncher’s chance of seeing it off. Today, I had completed and posted my test within an hour of it arriving. The next few weeks will see me anxiously waiting for the results to come through the letter box.

I was an idiot dithering last time but you know what us men are like. I’ve put up with various complaints and lumps over the years assuming they’d just go away without medical intervention. But eventually I did seek medical intervention and so far I’ve been lucky.

The act of carrying out bowel cancer screening is by no means pleasant but it’s worth doing. Just leaving it and hoping for the best, as I did the first time I had the kit, is just plain stupid. When your turn comes, don’t be stupid like I was the first time. Be smart like I was today. Always a first time.