I think I am coming to the end of a particularly bad visit from the black dog. My loyal reader will know I get these episodes from time to time and almost always I get through them by techniques born of experience and because of the kindness and thoughtfulness of others. This time, it lasted longer and went much deeper to the point that I was close to a breakdown and I am 100% certain that this was because of the thoughtlessness and downright ignorance of others.
The worse thing about this miserable episode, which has set me back many months, is that those who tipped me over the edge will not have the slightest clue they did it. Wrapped up in their own little worlds, consumed by their own lives and ambitions, they probably thought I was a little bit precious. After all, it’s only young people who suffer from mental illness, isn’t it? Older people will have grown out of it. They probably thought I needed to pull myself together. They certainly acted like it.
I saw yesterday’s wonderful intervention from the young royals, Harry, William and Kate, and they really get mental illness. The royal family, derided for being out of touch, were closer to the issue of mental health than those who were supposed to know all about it, but didn’t have a clue. The world has turned upside down.
I am grateful to the Alastair Campbells of this world, and the likes of Ruby Wax, Professor Green and Freddie Flintoff, for opening the doors. Yes I know they are rich and privileged compared to the likes of me and they had nothing to gain by coming out, other than to help others. In financial, career and prestige terms, I am a the bottom of the heap and thanks to the efforts of others, I feel like I deserve to be. And this is me talking when I am not feeling so bad. Imagine what I was like last week.
Nothing in this world amazes me anymore. I was there when compassion, at least for a short time, ran out and the shock will stay with me for the rest of my days.
This depression and anxiety malarkey is not just for Christmas, as the expression doesn’t go. I won’t forget those of you who have stuck with me and I certainly won’t forget those of you who didn’t.
