The Premier League is shit. Before you come back at me and say, “How can it be shit when you have teams like Manchester City and Liverpool in it?” I’ll ask you a very simple question: did you see Liverpool tear the remnants of Manchester United to pieces last night? “Ah yes,” you reply. “But this is a Liverpool side on the verge of greatness. Few teams in the world would be able to compete with them right now.” All of which is true. But my point remains. The Premier League is shit.
If the Premier League was so fantastic, then how come Manchester United are still knocking on the door of the Champions League? A mere three points separates United from bang average Tottenham Hotspur and given the occasional self-destructive nature of both Spurs and Arsenal, who is to say that the likes of Aaron Wan-Bissaka, Victor Lindelöf and Diogo Dalot won’t be lining up alongside Europe’s elite next season? United are all but sure to make the UEFA Conference League next season, presumably along with Solihull Moors, but what does this tell you about the rest of the Premier League?
As I have pointed out, I don’t actively support a team these days. I really, really like Liverpool, I buy the odd bit of their merch but I don’t go to games. Going to games is the definition of being a supporter, a fan, but the Premier League I can take or leave. If Liverpool weren’t playing, I wouldn’t watch another Premier League game. Why would I do that? In my Bristol Rovers supporting days, if the Gas weren’t playing I wouldn’t hightail it off to, say, Swindon to watch their exciting clash with Sutton United because I wouldn’t give a toss who won. The same applies with the Premier League. When the commentating ruin of Martin Tyler is pretending the long-waited match between Burnley and Watford – for this season anyway – is the actual Match Of The Day, my thought is this: “Have you lost your remaining marbles?” (The answer to this is undoubtedly yes. Every time Liverpool scored last night, Tyler had all the enthusiasm of someone who’d just been told his dog had died.)
Never forget that the Premier League was formed in order to syphon more money to the clubs who had the most money in the first place. In truth, there are a mere handful of Big Clubs and the rest are there to make up the numbers. The big clubs may endure the odd fallow season or five, but as United are showing even a shambolic piss poor Red Devils team is capable of clinging on to a Champions League place. And doubtless when Jürgen Klopp moves on, Liverpool will slip from their current glory days to a miserable third or fourth.
So when the vision of a European Super League was defeated last season, was it really? In effect we already have one, with the usual suspects playing in it every single year. Long gone are the days when a Malmo or a Feyenoord could win it. That’s because it isn’t just the Premier League that’s shit: so are most of Europe’s elite leagues.
Obviously, I enjoyed watching Liverpool dismantle United last night, not least because I am a vindictive bastard, although given the circumstances I can hardly complain about the so-called plastic Mancs who follow the club up and down the land before returning to all points away from Manchester.
Tonight, Sky is offering the tantalising prospect of Chelsea against Arsenal in the battle of the also rans. If I had to choose, I’d want Chelsea to lose because I can’t stand them and never could and if Arsenal win it would further bugger up United’s Champions League qualifying prospects. In other words, pure schadenfreude and nothing else. Sod that.
And if Martin Tyler calls the game with his teeth-grindingly awful “AND IT’S LIVE!” I’d probably kick the screen in.
