Village sixes day

The annual cricket sixes tournament took place on Sunday 24 August at the field in front of some excited villagers.

With Snake and Pearcy in charge of the BBQ and gorgeous pouting Sharon Stephens in charge of the bar, things got underway at 10.00 am.

The games started flowing but alas so did the alcohol and by lunchtime standards had plummeted alarmingly.

Foxy made an early statement of incompetence by losing his wicket twice whilst only facing one ball, one of the dismissals occurring when he was run out without facing a ball by Dennis Cox using his left foot!

Ryan ‘Moaty’ Edwards turned up in a somewhat dishevelled state after over-indulging with sixteen pints of Boston’s Old Thumper the night before. He threatened to take a hat trick at one point but happily he failed to do so and indeed dropped the easiest catch of the day during the afternoon, later admitting he didn’t know which of the three balls to catch.

Harry Black managed to destroy his team’s chances of winning in one game with the day’s worst bowling display, shipping 31 runs off one over.

Meanwhile, John and Martin Black failed to turn back the years with equally inept bowling and batting displays leaving young Jamie Black to restore some respect for the family name.

Yardy alarmed the watching supporters by having to run some quick singles and visiting villager Morph Senior called for the defibrillator as Yardy staggered to the crease but the great man was restored to health after a few post match sherbets.

The final was between the footballers, who included a steaming James Stephens, Talbot and Barts, and foul-mouthed gobshite Bowers whose his team was Jamie Black, Matt Simple, Fraser Moron, Lewis Jefferies and Foxy.

The footballers never really had a chance given that after over eight hours on the piss they could barely walk, never mind play cricket, and Bowers’ team stormed to victory with Fraser Moron scoring the winning runs.

So another great day in the history of village cricket was over.

The good news was that the club made a small fortune on bar and BBQ takings. The bad news was that the sheriff spent most of the proceeds on a bouncy castle. So the overall profit to the club was 23p.

There were a number of candidates for player of the tournament – portly student Nigel Johnson who was deemed physically incapable of fielding so he kept wicket (badly), the fighting villager Jordan Cooper (who didn’t even play), Yardy, James Stephens (for doing the ice bucket challenge and being covered in sawdust) and Moaty.

After many hours of deliberation (in the Beaufort) the village committee awarded the much sought after trophy to Morph Meaney for taking the wicket of Nigel Johnson and drinking more Guinness than anyone else.

Moaty is 59.