The Bristol Post is, not for the first time, short on news tonight. The lead story is, on the face of it, very concerning. The city has been served with two ‘severe weather warnings’. The Post says this: “The bright sunshine and high temperatures will disappear very soon and be replaced with heavy rain and 40mph winds.” This is serious. Isn’t it?
The Post then very helpfully gives us a load of advice, which I call stating the bleeding obvious:
Stay indoors unless you can’t.
Batten down the hatches.
Open doors only when you need to.
Er…
That’s it.
Actually, there is a bit more to it, but as I tried to read I slowly lost the will to live.
I am guessing that the Post journalist responsible for a story about how it’s going to rain does not know Bristol too well. Daniel Chipperfield, who is described as a ‘trends writer’, whatever that is, plainly does not know that in normal circumstances it pisses down in Bristol. We are instinctively aware that when it rains, we try to ensure we don’t get too wet and when the wind blows – well, it’s gets a bit blowy.
Sadly, the Post adds, some events in Bristol have been cancelled, although they can only find one so far, which happens to be the Islamic Cultural Fayre. I can only send my condolences and suggest that those who were attending do something useful instead, like going to the pub.
I mean, this is bonkers. The lead story on a supposedly serious newspaper is that it’s going to rain. Have these people nothing better to do? (Answer: no.)
