Forget Donald Trump’s war against Iran, Vladimir Putin’s war against Ukraine and Nigel Farage’s war against anyone he considers to be Johnny Foreigner. The BBC has, for once, hit on the main issue facing the world at the moment: “the necktie is dead.” Not before time, I say.
The quotes are there because this is a story about what candidates are wearing the US midterm elections and the big take, at least for me, is that many male candidates are not wearing ties anymore. I welcome this development and hope that this trend crosses the Atlantic, as trends usually do, and becomes a trend here in Ingerland.
I have always considered the tie – I refuse to call it a necktie, even though it probably is a necktie – to be the most useless, pointless item of clothing ever invented. Unlike other forms of clothing – you know, socks, shoes, underpants, trousers, T shirts; that kind of thing – you can easily justify why they exist. The same with coats and fleeces. But ties – why?
In the early days of my civil service ‘career’ men were forced to wear ties. Young and innocent though I was, I pondered as to why that was the case. It didn’t seem to improve my standards of work – if only they had – and was entirely decorative. I only put the tie on when I arrived at the office and once the working day was over, off it came again. Other than weddings, funerals and formal events, I never wore ties. In fact, I never wore shirts, either, unless the formal dress code demanded it, preferring T shirts, fleece tops and that kind of thing.
Apparently, we have an American to blame for the invention of the tie. One Jesse Langsdorf is, or rather was, to blame for this hideous error in fashion creation, a man who, it says here, “who transformed the inner construction of the twentieth century’s most widespread form of cravat.” Well, thanks, Jesse. You’ve caused me untold misery and angst over the years, being forced to wear such an absurd clothing item. If you weren’t dead, I’d have strong words next time I saw you.
I suppose it’s my simple (ton?) black and white world that makes me reject things that are utterly useless, in this case clothing. There are numerous similarly silly things men have to wear. How about cuff links? What’s that all about? Tie clips, I suppose, can be justified, but not if you regard ties themselves as utterly absurd. Cumberbunds? You’ve got me there. Posh people seem to wear them to balls and the like, but as I am not posh and am unlikely to attend a ball, I have managed to escape them. And don’t start me on top hats. This is getting silly.
I have long been of the view that if I am required to wear a tie to go anywhere, then I won’t go. Stiff, formal clothing makes me feel, well, stiff and informal, uncomfortable and wishing I was somewhere else.
Thankfully, I rarely have to attend weddings these days. I am more likely to attend funerals and, increasingly, dress codes for funerals have become more informal over the years. This is common sense at work since the departed is hardly likely to complain at my casual clothing preferences, is s/he? I do not see how wearing, say jeans and a T shirt could be regarded as inappropriate seeing that the time I would have spent with that person when they were alive would not involve wearing formal clothing.
I am a great believer in dressing for the occasion. I get it that if you attend court, and I did that quite a few times in my professional life (as a witness, I hasten to add), and the uniform is smart dress. I suppose that when I finally get my overdue knighthood, I will need to hire a suit and top hat for the occasion, as my best and, sadly, late friend Nick and I did when we attended Buck House to collect his MBE from the late Queen, Gawd bless her. There are probably legitimate, traditional occasions for tie-wearing, like job interviews, even for jobs where you don’t need to wear a tie but I repeat: they never made anyone, ever, do their job better. A cloth, no matter how expensive, hanging round my neck could never do that.
The necktie – the tie – is dead. Hooray for that and not before time.
There is a particularly excellent website called 22 Random Things to do. They include seeing if you can fit in your fridge, eating a whole plate of spaghetti with a spoon and saying “Irish Wristwatch” five times fast. Wearing a tie is every bit as pointless as these things and it’s time we banned them. In my world, I already have.
