Liz Truss has returned to British politics to explain why it was that her premiership dissolved in a matter of weeks. You see, it was nothing to do with the bonkers budget prepared by her chancellor, laughing boy KamiKwasi Kwarteng that crashed the economy so badly that the Bank of England had intervened to avoid pension schemes crashing and causing interest rates to rise. Oh no. No apologies from Truss. It was THE LEFT-WING ECONOMIC ESTABLISHMENT WHAT DONE IT! So, let’s expose these comrades to the world. They are:
- The notorious Trotskyites at the IMF
- The revolutionaries at the Bank of England
- The renowned Bolsheviks at the hedge fund consultancies
- The most hard-left pressure group – the Tory Parliamentary party
I’m grateful to Liz for correcting my schoolboy error in assuming these groups were somehow of the political right, but no. Librium Liz explains, as only she can, that in fact they are all just like Jeremy Corbyn, the Socialist Workers Party and Mick Lynch. It turns out that all those hedge fund folk, who we all thought were out there to fuck us over, actually believe in public ownership of everything. Jacob Rees-Mogg is actually a warm and caring human being and not the smug posh twat we thought he was. And the Bank of England is in the control of – one for the teenagers coming up here – the friends of Arthur Scargill. It’s literally incredible and I mean literally.
But doubtless readers of the Sunday Telegraph, as they are woken-up in their care homes tomorrow, will believe this is all true. They will see hordes of scruffily dressed class warriors marching on Westminster with banners like “Hedge funds for Corbyn” and “Tories for the NHS”. Oh, wait. The Tories will never be for the NHS. I went too far, then. But it is utterly and totally deranged for Truss to say this and for a so-called respectable and definitely establishment ‘newspaper’ to report it.
The so-called left has no real power in the UK, whether you are referring to the ultra hard left who do, to be fair, run a few trade unions like the RMT, FBU and PCS, but the idea that they are somehow the establishment is absurd. Ordinary working people, and that’s almost all of is, have the power to vote whenever the government allows us to but almost no power to do anything else. I do not know a single person who wants to slash funding to the NHS, who wants schools to be run on a shoestring, who thinks it’s somehow normal to have millions of people having to use food banks, who thinks the cost of fuel bills is acceptable, but guess who does? Why, it’s the establishment, people like Liz Fucking Truss.
The good news about the return of this useless woman is that it will make life even harder for Brand Rishi Sunak, the tech bro impersonator, currently masquerading as prime minister, who is already surrounded by crooks and wrong ‘uns. Having the disastrous Truss biting at his ankles, telling him he’s wrong to tax the very wealthiest when there are millions who can’t afford to put food on the table, is just what this weak little man doesn’t need. With Boris Johnson already running wild, the future looks grim, and it couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch of shysters.
