There’s only one issue to discuss today. Everyone is talking about it, there are front page stories in the red tops and it’s all over the TV news. Yes, Pippa Middleton’s iCloud may have been hacked.
I am no great fan of the royal family, although I have a modicum of empathy with the younger members, like William and Harry, who seem to have made an effort to learn about how ordinary people live their lives. The whole institution of the royal family – and I use the word institution advisedly – is something I can barely understand in the modern age, but most people like it so I won’t be prioritising calls for it to be abolished, not today anyway. But Pippa Middleton? Why on earth should I be interested in her personal life?
I know that she is the sister of the Duchess of Cambridge, former known as Kate Middleton,and that, according to Wikipedia (so it must be true), she is currently employed on a part-time basis by her parents in a business called Party Pieces, whatever that is. I can barely contain my excitement learning about this. I thought she was only famous for her posterior.
I am sorry to refer to Pippa’s arse but this has, apparently, been a critical part of the press pack’s journalism since Kate met Bill. She is the only person on earth with an arse, from what I can tell, which came as a surprise to me when I made a bathroom visit this morning, and it is very shapely. Well, I never.
To the best of my knowledge, the tabloids rarely feature stories of, or indeed print photos of, say, Prince William’s arse, but to be fair I am not a reader of the Sun or Hello, so I could be wrong. I know there used to be a competition called rear of the year. Perhaps William has won it. I am a little out of touch with these things.
It is not clear from reports that Pippa’s arse features in these iCloud hacks. The Sun, for some strange reason, was the main media outlet to be offered the photos and, I guess, in the public interest, no doubt, they will print them. Especially if they can make a few bob in the process!
Poor Pippa. Having enjoyed the best private education money can buy, the best she can hope for in life is to work part time for her family firm and to have her posterior dissected by the readers of tabloid newspapers.
The ultimate celebrity. Related to someone who married someone famous and revered for the way part of her looks.
Britain today, eh?
