For reasons that will become evident in coming days, my family is heartbroken by the terrible events in Vancouver on Saturday night. You think that something like this only happens to someone else, but when you hear a prime minister, in this case, Mark Carney, saying his thoughts are with the affected families, he means mine. You will understand, I hope, why I am not going into personal details at this time because of family sensitivities and because of the grief and bewilderment we are all feeling, but writing is what I do and I hope it will be cathartic.
I am familiar with the media whirlwind that comes with major incidents. Indeed, I have often followed unfolding breaking news to what could be regarded as excess. But not today. While I cannot look away from the grim reality, it is the last thing I want to be constantly reminded about.
Social media in general and Facebook in particular has become an utter cesspit, with images and even videos being posted of the tragic events at the Lapu lapu festival, as well as claimed images of the alleged killer, Kai-Ji Adam Lo. I felt like complaining to Zuckerberg’s increasingly poisonous platform but there is so much hate and bile and, worse still, graphic detail I would probably spend all my time complaining, all the while becoming more and more upset at the sheer scale of it. Beneath the endless posts with gurning selfies lies a layer of pure poison.
It is the disconnect I feel between what I see on the media and what I feel in real life. Part of me fears the gutter press turning up at our front doors, mostly I drift between heartbreak and confusion: did this really happen? Is it all a terrible nightmare? But I know it did happen and it’s a living nightmare.
I try to keep my thoughts in the moment and not speculate on anything, as the media does in a seemingly endless loop. I think too much at the best of times and I am aware enough to know that I must not allow my overthinking to descend into some kind of breakdown. I know that must not happen because too many people are depending on me and I hope this will give me the strength I need to stand still and, later, move forward.
Incongruously, the sun shines brightly today. But all I feel today is the darkness. Hell came to town this weekend and somehow we need to find the strength to carry on. I believe we can and will, though at the moment it’s quite hard to see how.
