As a loyal Liverpool supporter, who has only ever seen them play live against Bristol City (obviously, I wanted Liverpool to win – they did) and Bristol Rovers (obviously I wanted the Gas to win – they didn’t) I enjoyed yesterday’s win against the blue billion-pound bottle jobs, Chelsea, in yesterday’s Rumbelows Cup final at Wembley. Ignoring the awkward facts that I have no Liverpool ancestry, was born in Bristol and have not seen them play live since 1992, it was still a joyous afternoon, riding on the glory-hunting tails of a successful team. Nonetheless, there was one aspect of Liverpool’s victory that I found profoundly irritating. The pre-match national anthem.
It was not just the awkward fact that there were only six English players between both teams at kick off time, only one of whom was in the Liverpool starting XI, leaving 16 ‘foreign’ players gazing at their feet, it was that the anthem was the eternally dull God Save The King.
I have slowly morphed from agnostic when it comes to the royal family to borderline republican, greatly influenced as I have been by Norman Baker’s brilliant book And What Do You Do? I see the royals as being like something out of the Ark, a weird throwback to a different time and place, a real-life slightly unhinged institution where the lower orders are supposed to doff their metaphorical caps to a fantastically rich and dysfunctional family. I’m afraid for all its many faults, the royal family isn’t going anywhere, but please, can someone do something about the national anthem, like get rid of it and give us a new one?
God Save The King, indeed? What does that even mean? A quick search on Mr Google reveals it is “an invocation or a plea to God to protect and preserve the monarch.” Billy Connolly put it far better when he said he wasn’t aware that the Queen, who was on the throne at the time, was in any danger, but if she was then God was the very man to save her. He went on to suggest it be replaced by the theme from BBC Radio’s The Archers, which would appear to make a great deal of sense to me. Either way, whether you are a royalist or not, surely you agree that God Save The King is a terrible dirge?
Why do we need our anthem to be all about the top dog in the monarchy? When I think of England, I don’t necessarily think of King Brian or his family. I think more about this green and pleasant land. What was it former prime minister John Major said? “A country of long shadows on county cricket grounds, warm beer, green suburbs, dog lovers, and old maids cycling to holy communion through the morning mist.” Okay, that’s a load of old tosh really, isn’t it, but it’s closer to the England I see than this nonsense about sending Brian “victorious, happy and glorious“, which is just plain silly.
I gave a small hint there about the song I would like to have as England’s national anthem: Jerusalem. The writer, Hubert Parry, whose birthday it is tomorrow (he will be 176), wrote the music to William Blake’s words (it says here) and it is well lovely. Although the words are mostly gobbledegook – no one really believes that Jesus himself is popping down to build Heaven on earth to replace those ‘dark Satanic mills’ of the industrial revolution – but when did meaningless lyrics stop anyone enjoying a decent tune? Have you ever studied the lyrics of Stairway to Heaven or those from any of Noel Gallagher’s songs?
It is particularly galling when we have a major sporting event against Italy, France, Wales or South Africa, for example, because our anthem is about as inspiring as a sedative. While players from other nations have tears of emotion rolling down their cheeks, ours are at risk of nodding off. The only consolation of the Six Nations rugby union defeat to Scotland was that the anti-English ‘Flower of Scotland’ anthem is almost, but not quite, as grim as our own.
God Save The King is the UK national anthem, but the constituent parts of the UK have their own anthems, except us. Can’t we just have big opinion poll, excluding Sun and Mail readers, obviously, and let us choose a new one. I’m all in favour of God saving Brian, given that he is not well at the moment, but can’t us English folk have our own tune, even if it is The Archers? Just kidding. Jerusalem.
