I was thinking about depression the other day, following an on-line chat I had with an old friend who has been in a deep quagmire of debilitating mental health issues in recent years. It’s good to talk, they say, but only with someone with some kind of empathy and, dare I say, sympathy; not so much with everyone else. We were talking particularly about the different types of guilt one can go through with mental illness, one of which is the guilt you feel when comparing your state of health and state of mind to that of someone who is in a far worse place than you are. It often consumes my mind and I feel even worse about myself. I’ve been struggling to put my thoughts into words, but in recent days I’ve seen a post shared repeatedly on social media that has brought it home to me. It’s at the head of this blog.
From what I can tell the quote originates from Ken Gibson, senior pastor at Upper Room, which is a “spirit-filled, grace-empowered, truth-centered, multi-cultural Church who change culture, shift nations and advance the Kingdom of God in the earth“. Deep breath. Ken is also “a follower/servant of Jesus Christ, who was saved at the age of 13”. I don’t know what Ken was saved from, the website isn’t clear on that, but he “is looking forward to what the Lord has in store for the future.”Well, good for Ken, but let’s drill down into the bollocks he first posted on Facebook on 5th June 2016.
“No matter how good or bad you think you have it, wake up every morning and be grateful for your life because someone somewhere is fighting for theirs.” At first glance, it’s the usual allegedly inspirational quote that someone will post on Facebook and everyone replies, “So true“. At second glance, it’s still the usual allegedly inspirational quote that someone will post on Facebook and everyone replies, “So true“. Not only that, it helps no one.
It doesn’t help those of us who feel deep guilt for feeling shit when others are feeling even more shit, that’s for sure. I know that there are many people who are in a worse state than I am. I do not need to be told by some evangelical pastor that instead of being, say, ill with clinical depression means I should then feel grateful that I’m not fighting for my life. Because that isn’t how I feel. I’ll repeat how I do feel: guilty at being ill when people are more ill than I am. How hard can it be to not understand that?
I don’t spend a great deal of time thinking how good or bad I have it and I don’t wake up every morning and feel grateful for my life, although I am grateful given the odds of me not having been born at all. Where I differ from Ken and his fellow theists is that I know I am here by the accident of my birth, not as a result of some magical creation process arranged by God almighty. I actually resent people like Ken, who, perhaps unwittingly, seek to make my guilt even worse. Luckily, as I do not take all believers particularly seriously, his religious gobbledegook has zero effect on my life.
It’s when ordinary folk share this nonsense that concerns me. When it comes to other people, I always tell them not to compare their condition with others because there is no connection. If you have a little bit of cancer, it’s still cancer, even if someone else has terminal cancer. If your little bit of cancer gets you down, don’t feel guilty about it. Suffice to say, that’s not how I feel about people being far more ill than me. I still feel horribly guilty about it.
Ken probably means well – most theists do – but his “spirit-filled, grace-empowered, truth-centered, multi-cultural Church”, which given it’s a matter of faith means it cannot be truth-centred, is not for me.
Don’t tell me to not feel bad when there are people even worse off than me. That’s not how it works, Ken. The Upper Room website describes their church as “committed”. In my view, they should be committed, the sooner the better.
