I am one of the small minority of people who still buy a newspaper. It is partly out of habit and partly because of age. Young people, and here I refer to pretty well anyone under 50, don’t buy newspapers. I take the soggy liberal Guardian because it is, broadly speaking, left of centre and because much of the writing is very good indeed. Today, the Guardian has lost its shit. Just read this opening sentence from a story by Caroline Davies headed ‘Royals open up. Does the palace have anything to fear from the TV show?’ In my best Jeremy Beadle voice, I ask you to ‘take a look at this’:
As the world awaits Sunday’s interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex against a toxic canvas of bullying and smear claims, the key question must be: what should Buckingham Palace fear most?
Where to begin with this? ‘As the world waits’. Really? The world is quite a big place and I am making the assumption that perhaps this is a slight exaggeration. The opponents of the military coup in Myanmar might just have other things on their minds, as might Hong Kongers who are perhaps slightly more concerned as the Chinese destroy their democracy. I could probably find numerous other examples of how the world really doesn’t await Sunday’s interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, a considerable number of whom live in the UK.
I have seen the opinion polls on the subject of the Big Split in the royal family and whilst I quite like the young royals, Harry and William, and their respective partners, trust me when I say I don’t give a flying fuck about an interview the Los Angeles exiles have done with Oprah Winfrey. And not giving a flying fuck about the royal split was not one of the options.
None of this is to suggest that the viewing figures won’t be stellar when ITV broadcasts the interview on Monday night, even though every single aspect of it will have been leaked well in advance. Millions will tune in because, as the legendary Eagle Don Henley put it in his song Dirty Laundry: ‘I make my livin’ off the evenin’ news. Just give me somethin’, somethin’ I can use. People love it when you lose.They love dirty laundry’.
I am actually slightly cross that the Harry and Meghan show is on at 9.00pm because it means that the show I was going to watch, the brilliant Unforgotten, has been dropped, just when things were getting exciting. Why not just drop Coronation St and Alan Sodding Titchmarsh?
Anyway, my point is that I am not interested and I am not alone in not being interested. The captive post-Coronation Street audience may stick along for the ride in the continuing absence of there being nothing else to do and others will tune in if only to get away from loudmouth cockney greengrocer Gregg Wallace and Masterchef.
It’s a real life soap and many people, though not most people, love a soap. Even if 20 million people tune in, that means 48 million won’t. And this is in the country about whose royals this programme is all about.
The world awaits Sunday’s interview, my arse. I am waiting to meet friends, to go in a pub, to go on holiday, to go to a gig. Harry and Meghan having a chat on an American chat show holds no appeal to me. And I don’t give a toss about what Buck House fears the most.
