I am finding the public self-cleansing of Clarke Carlisle by Clarke Carlisle almost unbearably powerful, upsetting and somehow inspiring. He is confessing all. The debilitating and near destructive depression, struggles with alcohol and gambling and now homophobia, he’s put it all out there, not out of self-pity because it reads like self-hate to me. But he should not hate himself for the true confessional. It takes a real man to admit when he’s wrong and a very brave man to admit to all his failings.
As a footballer, Carlisle had it all. Apart from being paid to play a sport many of us paid to play, in my cases very badly, he had money, he has intelligence (he was on Celebrity Mastermind and won it) and he had the respect of his peers as a senior official at the PFA. What more could a man want?
It turns out that this well-paid, talented man had the same demons as people like me, little voices in their head taking them down the wrong road, a bumpy, self-destructive road, with temptation on both sides and a brick wall at the end. It culminated in a tragic attempt at suicide following an arrest for drink-driving, the court case for which has been all over the papers this week. Carlisle thanked the court for his conviction, emerging from the grey walls of justice to the prospect of a brighter day. He is still apologising for his misdeeds and misdemeanours and that will be part of the healing and restorative process. When everyone accepts his apologies – and I hope they do – he too will be able to commence the start of a normal return to life. Never forget that we never start a new life, whatever our circumstances: we merely pick up the pieces of the old one and try to do better.
The point is that Carlisle is not alone in making poor decisions. That’s hardly unique to a former footballer. I have probably made more poor decisions than most and I am still living by their consequences or still apologising for them. That’s how life is.
His true confessional should be the gateway through which Carlisle can gain redemption and acceptance. He has a lot to offer society in so many ways, through his experiences in life, positive and negative, and our society will be the poorer if we do not put them to positive use.
We could any of us have been Clarke Carlisle in a different world, many of us have lived through alternative versions of his life and not all of us have made it to the other side. Carlisle has and he can now make an enormous positive contribution to society in the future if we let him.
