“I’m not happy about this situation. I’m going to be speaking to my lawyers about it, is all I can say right now,” said Jermaine Jenas on the radio station talkSHITE after being sacked by the BBC after complaints about his “workplace conduct”. “There are two sides to every story.” Hmm. Are there? Really? Not always, in my experience. More often than not there are two stories, one being true and the other being complete bollocks. I cannot possibly know whether the Jenas side of the story is the true one. The thing I find completely baffling is how he became a semi-permanent fixture on our TV screens in the first place.
Let’s be clear about why Jenas became famous in the first place. He was a run of the mill Premier League footballer who as well as playing in the top flight made 21 appearances for his country. My view is that in terms of his ability, he massively overachieved in his playing career. When questioned as to whether he felt he had underachieved, Jenas unmemorably replied, “Yes and no.” Such a bland and meaningless response should have given us a clue as to what we would be getting when he joined the world of football punditry.
Only last week, we were cursing his abysmal co-comms on TNT’s coverage of Ipswich against Liverpool. The newly promoted Tractor Boys knew that their only chance to defeat the Reds would be by way of physicality. Technically, they were not on the same level as their visitors so they embarked on a strategy to unsettle the opposition by kicking lumps out of them and by man to man marking all over the pitch. Sitting in my armchair, I could see what was going on. Jenas merely prattled on about Liverpool “not being at it”, a phrase he used repeatedly, which told your average viewer nothing at all. This was par for the course.
The main point is this: while some former footballers are brilliant pundits – and I would include the likes of Ally McCoist and. yes, Alan Shearer – in this category, just having been a player, even an elite player, does not make you a great pundit. While no one would describe Jenas as being a top level player, the likes of Steve McManaman and Lee Dixon were top level players, and they are only marginally better than, or maybe not quite as bad as, Jenas.
I now learn that Jenas was being groomed – is that the right word, given the circumstances? – as a potential long-term successor to Gary Lineker as host of Match of the Day. Love him or hate him, and I don’t understand how anyone could hate him, Lineker is a brilliant presenter and knows football inside out. He is a worthy successor to the great Des Lynam. Lineker has a sparkling personality and has, God forbid, opinions and he has charisma in spades. Jenas, for all his qualities, whatever they are, has none of these. People in high places must have seen something that has so far evaded me.
As well as being a piss poor pundit, Jenas has become a presenter on the BBC’s risible One Show, exercising his great skill at being able to read an autocue and ask drab questions of B and C list ‘celebrities’. To be fair, his limited talents are shared by many of his fellow presenters on that show, but again, I could see nothing, literally nothing, about him that suggested a talented presenter. Yet there he was, several times a week, a highly confident yet utterly bland TV (lack of) personality.
Of course, the word ‘Presenter’ has become a ‘thing’ in itself. How many young wannabes on so-called TV “reality shows” speak of their ambition to be a “presenter”? To be the next Rylan Clark, the next Holly Willoughby, the next Ant and Dec? The less talent you have, it seems, the more opportunities there are to “present” shows with people who do have talent. Which could explain the otherwise inexplicable rise of Jermaine Jenas.
Either way, the career of this modestly talented former footballer appears to be over and no longer will he be drawing a salary from the licence fee payer of around £200,000. Of course, I don’t wish him ill and I have nothing against him personally. How could I? I’ve never met him, I never will. But the real story for me is how on earth he made it as far up the media ladder as he did. We live in a world of fortune and favour, where meritocracy is merely an abstract concept, where talent often counts for nothing and where the ability to read an autocue counts for everything. The bland leading the bland.
Yes, there are two sides to every story. The right side and the wrong side. Doubtless Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne will soon be on their client’s case in a bid to salvage what’s left of his reputation and doubtless trouser a few bob. I’m just glad that I will no longer have to sit and listen to his pathetic musings, noisily fuming at how someone that bad could possibly get such a lucrative gig. If there is anything good to have come out from this messy case, surely that’s it?
