Not so good god

Anyway, so there I was outside the changing rooms at Knowle FC’s football ground which is on the outfield of Knowle Cricket Club’s ground and two very nice blokes, who I didn’t know, engaged me in conversation. Well, you know me: I’ll talk to almost anyone. Why was I there? Watching my son play football. Where was I from? Originally, Brislington. And so on for a good five minutes and then: have you ever heard of Carmel?

At first, I assumed they were referring to someone called Carmel and I said I didn’t. My second mistake – my first was talking to them – was to ask who ‘she’ was. And blow me down, she wasn’t a she at all: she was a church.

Now if I had been at home, my God detector would have been in operation but watching a football match on a freezing cold day had obviously dulled my reflexes. Suddenly, I was sitting next to the nutter on the bus. Normally, it’s easy. “No thanks. I don’t do god, thank you” and I close the door. But the two disciples of god were among friends and I accepted a leaflet from them.

It turns out that this particular church has been going for all of 19 years. It was founded by Pastors Gerri and Michelle DI Somma after God called them from South African to the UK. The leaflet does not make it clear as to whether God literally talked to them or whether he used a more conventional telephone, but the leaflet adds helpfully that “they obeyed by faith, not knowing where they were going.” Fortunately,”God directed them to establish and build a Church in Bristol.”

I was a little more convinced by now because I regard Bristol as one of the very best cities in the land, if not the world. What we lack in public transport and arena facilities is more than made up by the lively harbour side area, a variety of good restaurants and a wide range of architecture. Although we Bristolians get hung up about poor bus services and the fact we have to travel to Birmingham to see ‘The X Factor Live’, they are plainly no obstacle to God.

Later in my little leaflet, the kindly sections of the bible got a bit nastier. Tucked away in the small print near the back was this: ‘We believe that all men who reject Christ will pay the eternal death penalty for sin, which is hell, separation from God. We believe that the devil exists and he is the real enemy of Christians.’ Now, I can’t say that I have rejected Christ, as such. I am just not convinced that he ever existed and if he did, he might have been a talented conjuror and illusionist at a time in our history when people were uneducated and were more likely to believe in superstition. And was the devil such a bad bloke anyway?

Some 2,476,633 people were killed by God in the bible, although this figure represents only those killings for which specific numbers are given. Add in Noah’s flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the many plagues, famines, fiery serpents etc and the figure is likely to be nearer 25 million. And the devil? Well, he was responsible for the death of ten people (the sons and daughters of Job) but even those were with the permission of God who allowed him to kill them as part of a bet. Still, as Carmel tells us the devil is ‘the real enemy of Christians.’

I made my excuses – “I’m off now, bye!” – and left.

The men handing out leaflets for God were doubtless well-meaning believers, albeit a little simple and probably a lot brainwashed. I doubt that they persuaded all that many to join their church today but it won’t stop them trying next week. Very sad.