What the world needs, I am sure you will agree, is another TV cookery programme and I can report that the world is going to get one. It’s called “BBQ Champ”. I really can wait for this one.
Let me give you a brief idea of how the show will work. Contestants will barbecue large slabs of meat, they will be judged by two people I’ve never heard of and the winner will win £25,000. £25,000 in crisp new notes in return for cremating a few bangers and burgers. Nice work if you can get it.
This innovative new show (my words and I am taking the piss, obviously) will be hosted by “celebrity” Myleene Klass which in itself seems pretty odd to me. I would have thought it would be far more appropriate to have someone with a fuller figure, shall we say; someone with the build of Hattie Jacques or Big Daddy, perhaps, would better fit the bill, although I do appreciate there is an obstacle that would prevent either of my examples participating.
I did have a brief dalliance with cookery programmes some years ago, to the extent that I even recorded episodes of Ready Steady Cook, especially when they had celebrities on. I loved the anarchic days of Keith Floyd, I even watched Rick Stein cooking things that I would never eat in a million years, but hasn’t the genre been done to death, now? I mean, it’s people cooking food, that’s all. People cooking food, being judged by other people and that’s it. Even “Masterchef”, the most popular of all the current cookery show, is exactly the same as what has gone before, albeit with two hosts rather than one.
Not a night goes by on the BBC without there being some cookery show or other in the schedules. I am guessing this must be very cheap telly to make – it certainly looks it – but couldn’t they spend some of the money on, say, cricket highlights, or the Tour de France?
Cooking is the new rock and roll, they say, and apart from the obvious lack of music there is something in that. We even get cooks touring and playing gigs at the local small and large halls and huge food shows at the exhibition centres up and down the land. I am not complaining – there is obviously a market for it – but once you have seen one TV cook, then haven’t you seen them all?
I can’t say I am looking forward to Ms Klass introducing a show in which people cook meat, so I will do the obvious thing and do something else, but it takes all sorts, I suppose. After all, ITV has another show in which people eat live insects and animal testicles and people watch in their droves. I doubt that BBQ Champ will be grilling anything quite so disgusting, but the thought of watching it is still nausea-inducing. Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain. It usually does at my BBQs.