So what is more sad? The death of an immediate family member or the death of a member of the Royal Family? Obvious, I hear you say. The death of an immediate family member. Or even a distant family member or an acquaintance you occasionally meet on the bus. Go back to 1997, following the death of Princess Diana and it was almost a hanging offence not to be devastated. The streets of London were packed with hysterical people, crying their eyes out. Some have never gotten over it. To be honest, I never quite got the Princess Di death, although it was best to keep quiet at the time. But then, there have been some people who I did not know, whom I had never met, made me sad when I found out they had died.
I have been to funerals of people I had never met, for a number of reasons, not least because I wanted to support the bereaved, with whom I was close. And I admit shedding the odd tear or two. The recent deaths of some major rock stars has reminded me both of the need for perspective but that it’s all right to be sad when someone you don’t know has died.
I mean, I have watched It’s A Wonderful Life on countless occasions and by the first few scenes I am a sobbing wreck. I have never met James Stewart, but he moved me, he made me laugh and he made me cry. When he died, I was upset. I don’t apologise for this, I just was. The characters he usually played were made up.
The passing of Eagles founder Glenn Frey was sad to hear. The Eagles were part of the soundtrack of my life and now it is certain that there will be no more Eagles. I have always been a Don Henley man myself but without Frey there would have been no Eagles. He was a man who through his music gave so much and I don’t find it odd to cry when someone whose music you love so much dies. I am not saying that everyone should be sad or should shed a tear. Just that it’s wrong to say no one should.
When Lennon died, that was the end of the Beatles; when Carl Wilson died that, to all intents and purposes, was the creative end of the Beach Boys and although remnants of the band still tour under the name Beach Boys, without the man who sang God Only Knows and Good Vibrations. When he passed in 1998, it was the end of an era. The list goes on and on. Some were sad when Karen Carpenter died, others when Jimi Hendrix died. I was sad when both died.
I cried when Bristol Rovers winger Mickey Barrett died, even though I never met him, never knew him. I did, though, idolise his great skills, viewed from the terraces. And when George Best died, it was in my mind the passing of the best player the UK ever produced. I mourned that, too.
Some feel the death of those they idolise more than others. That’s okay. No one told me I had to weep uncontrollably when David Bowie died (I didn’t actually) but I don’t have a problem with those who did. I think it shows we have feelings, we have emotion and we have empathy. Above all, we still feel a form of loss.
I don’t compare the loss of my dad with the loss of Carl Wilson. I am easily able to separate my dad from the man who sang God Only Knows and I am well aware which mattered the most to me. It still does matter to me. I am not going to make a list of who I wish was still alive and who should be dead because the circumstances are vastly different.
The newspaper obituary columns are always packed with the names of those who have died, each and everyone a hero to someone. David Bowie and Glenn Frey, for all their wealth, were no different to any of them, except in one way: they had sublime talent that was appreciated and loved by millions.
Perspective is required by all of us at times like these. But there’s nothing wrong with feeling grief for someone you have lost, even though they are at least twice removed. Those who decry those who are sad about the passing of someone they have never met have probably never been to a sporting event, where a minute’s applause and a minute’s silence is a regular thing. I think it’s rather good that people recognise the passing of others, known or not known to them. There’s no law that says you should but by the same token there’s no law that says you shouldn’t.
