Until tonight, I had never seen a single programme on the cable TV channel Dave. I do not know much about the channel other than it appears to show nothing but old shows produced by other channels. But tonight, they had something different: a boxing match. And not just any old boxing match. It featured David Haye’s comeback against Australia’s Mark De Mori.
No, I had never before heard of De Mori, either, but having extensively researched the man on the internet, it was clear that he was little more than a club fighter, meaning that he normally plies his trade in clubs, not arenas or stadia. If he was a footballer, he’d be a pub team player. But, in the interests of hype, De Mori was a world class contender with a near spotless record, with ambitions of winning the world title. Of course he was. Until the fight started, that is.
Haye’s comeback fight was held at the 02 arena, which proves that another mug punter is born every day. I am no expert, but I know hype when I see it and long before the fight, such as it was, took place, I had a fair idea of what might happen. And of course it did happen, with the Aussie challenger unconscious on the canvas before the end of the first round.
I am guessing that the fight was on Dave because no one else wanted it and who could blame them? Haye retired three years ago in a blaze of indifference following a shoulder injury. At the age of 35, the come backing Haye – obviously for the money, because he said after the fight it wasn’t: yeah right – was non news. The spotlight, such as it is in the boxing world these days, is on god-fearing homophobic sexist Tyson Fury and young Anthony Joshua. One is a world champion, the other probably is going to be one. Haye fancies a pay day.
De Mori was what we experts call a ‘carefully selected opponent’, which is to say he was good at everything, especially in terms of pre fight bullshit, apart from boxing. He is a superstar in very small halls in Australia, but at London’s 02 he had as much chance as winning as Alan Carr. What we were watching – and in my case, happily not paying for – was a publicity exercise, that’s all.
Dave have learned their lesson well. They managed to fill airtime for over 40 minutes before the fight using a combination of meaningless interviews and adverts. And the ‘walk on’ of the fighters lasted at least seven minutes longer than the fight itself. I gave up once the fight and lengthy post fight interview with Haye had finished, after which Dave had another 60 minutes to fill. I have no idea how they filled it but my best guess is with endless replies of the knock out blow – see? I know the lingo – and some highlights from the undercard featuring fighters we will never see again.
This is how boxing works. No one in the business was ever going to say that Haye’s opponent from Australia was a useless journeyman who would be hopelessly out of his depth, but everyone in the business will have known it. The next stage is that the media will be drooling over this ‘sensational comeback’ and soon Haye will be fighting someone for a version of the world title. More bad words and threats and – hey! – he’ll be having that grudge fight at Wembley Stadium which won’t, we can be safely assured, be on Dave!
It was always thus. Poor old De Mori will fly home to Aussie when he has recovered sufficiently from his concussion, but the brain cells he has lost won’t come back anytime soon.
Haye will make the millions he thinks he is due, then he too will retire, hopefully with his brain intact. This doesn’t always happen in boxing, as many ex fighters will testify, assuming they can still think properly at all.
No way was that a serious contest between Haye and an absolute nobody, but what will drive on Haye is the near certainty that one day he too will be a nobody and that’s what makes boxing what it is today.
