F1 is a sport, just like baking.

Lewis Hamilton, the laughably named ‘BBC Sports Personality of the Year’ (not bad for someone with no personality whatsoever), has accused his team mate Nico Rosberg of “not trying” in Sunday’s Grand Prix procession in China. It’s all to do with an argument which I do not really understand and nor do I really want to.

There was a time when I would dutifully tune in to the start of each F1 race, switch off midway through the first lap and then switch back on again near the end of the race to see that the bloke who led at the first bend was now half a lap ahead. And that’s sport? Well, according to my dictionary motor racing is a sport. Sport is a recreation, a pastime, play, a game especially one involving physical exercise. Which means darts is definitely a sport and so is the Great British Bake Off. I suppose that evening eating the cake is probably a sport too. I’d best get over to Greggs and start competing.

I wonder why I even used to watch the bare minimum of motor racing that I did because it makes little sense these days. Even the highlights, such as they are, have me averting my eyes from the television, but incredibly to me seemingly intelligent people attend these races and pay hundreds of pounds so to do, even though these days it is almost certain who will win. The bloke with the best car, of course.

I wonder what would happen if Hamilton drove the shittiest car on the grid and the bloke who drove the shittiest car drove Hamilton’s? Are we seriously to believe that Hamilton is the only decent driver out there? I am no expert on these things, so perhaps Hamilton really is the best driver, in the same way that Novak Djokovic is the best tennis player and Rory McIlroy is the best golfer? Or maybe I am a little out of touch and all the other tennis players use wooden rackets and the other golfers use cast off clubs from the bargain bucket at Nicky Lumb’s Golf Centre?

I may be wrong, but it seems that your average F1 race lasts many hours, possibly up to 10 (or perhaps it just feels that way?), and much of the time they are deciding whether to change tyres – the only chance of overtaking. And nothing else happens. They don’t even stop for a top of of four star anymore these days. Is there really any proper racing in motor racing?

It is true to say that I am not what they call a petrol head. A car to me is something you use to get from A to B and then back again. I do not really know the different types of cars you can drive, nor do I really care. I would far rather have an effective little runner than some swish car with a soft top, preferably with adequate space for my golf clubs. So this may explain why I find F1 in general and Lewis Hamilton in particular so boring.

And one more moan about F1 and Hamilton. Britain’s favourite sporting non personality stood proudly when the national anthem was played on Sunday, but was it really the right one? Shouldn’t we really have heard the Swiss psalm, Schweizerpsalm, since Hamilton is so proud of being British he chooses to live in Switzerland for reasons that are everything to do with a seriously rich young man paying less tax, so you and I have to pay more.