The big music news is that Ben Haenow has the Christmas number one this year. Not that I had heard of Ben Haenow until I read that he was the winner of Simon Cowell’s X Factor karaoke show.
I am not a huge fan of karaoke to be honest. I once worked with a woman who, I was assured, was brilliant at karaoke, which is not what you want to hear. I would much rather hear someone who is rubbish at it.
The first time I heard of karaoke was when the great Clive James made one of his TV shows in Japan and introduced the genre to Britain. We’ve never looked forward since.
I have only watched small excerpts of the X Factor over the years, mainly one show when Take That were on and more importantly their guitar player and my friend, Ben Mark Weaver, were on. We recorded the show and watched the Take That bits. I have an idea what it’s about – four judges, at least two of whom have almost no talent, and none of whom can sing – judge the performances of karaoke singers and ultimately the public votes on the winner. (If I have got this bit wrong, who cares?)
As a friend pointed out, the Christmas number one is quite often something truly terrible, so Cowell’s latest short term protege’s effort is hardly inconsistent with what has gone before. What I object to is the corporatisation of the Christmas number one. There is a seemingly endless run of the X Factor, someone wins, their tune goes to number one and then they disappear into richly observed obscurity. Now of course, I don’t wish ill to Ben Haenow who, I suspect, has sung in more pub karaokes then I have had hot dinners and is probably kind to animals and old people but I do wish ill to the terrible concept of the X Factor, where, I am told, endless untalented wannabes avoid the need to have a proper musical apprenticeship for instant, short term fame.
I would have preferred the Peace Collective featuring The Farm’s wonderful ‘Altogether Now’ to be the chart topper in 2014 but sadly it hasn’t even made the Top 40. However, my disappointment is somewhat countered by Bob Geldof’s latest patronising and turgid version of ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ plunging to the number 17 position.
