Back in the year of our Lord, 1976, the weather was not dissimilar to what it’s like today. A long, dry, hot spell of weather with no end in sight, the country in drought conditions, railway lines buckling under the strain, wildfires throughout the land. The Labour government of the day decided to appoint a minister for drought, Denis Howell MP. Within a few days, it was pissing down and the drought was over. The joke went that Howell was subsequently appointed minister for flooding and then minister for snow the following winter. He was unquestionably the most successful minister in the long history of the UK. Maybe it’s time for today’s Labour government to pull the same trick?
Yesterday’s emergency phone message has been met with a mixed reaction, ranging from those who welcomed it as an essential and urgent reaction to the increasing number of wildfires taking hold and those from the political extremes who thought it was taking the piss. I’m finding the whole situation more than a little worrying.
Some folk really do need to get a grip. Yesterday, there were numerous reports from the drought-stricken west country of people using portable barbecues on open fields and commons. Sitting in traffic yesterday, I observed idiots throwing lit cigarette ‘dog ends’ from their cars. With houses getting burned down, in all likelihood as a result of people’s irresponsible actions, the government emergency warning was the very least we should expect.
While I am still making every effort to enjoy this endless summer, a fearful part of me does want it all over with. A price we pay for having such a beautiful country is that rains so much. The absence of rain for so long is turning it into a parched wasteland, a tinderbox that could cause widespread havoc, death and destruction.
TV weather forecasters are sounding desperate, too, forever promising long-awaited rain, which increasingly comes across as wishful thinking rather than scientifically arrived at forecasts. The dullard who presents the forecast in these parts has promised rain for Tuesday, but I read on various apps that there is a 30% chance of that happening. Do the math, kids. There’s a 70% chance it won’t rain. And after that, rain will fall from 26th August onwards, perhaps, given that the percentages of the dry spell continuing are far greater. It might as well rain until September? A chance would be a fine thing.
I reckon it’s worth Andy Burnham appointing a minister for drought, if only to give us something to laugh about, especially when it finally does actually rain. Unfortunately, it can’t be Denis Howell who despite his experience in the job has been dead for 28 years, but there must be someone? Dear old Denis even did a rain dance which actually worked (well, not really, but it looked like it did when the heavens opened). Anyone for Denis?
