The Bristol Post, or Evening Post as it used to be called, was, “the paper all Bristol asked for and help to create” I don’t know how they know that all Bristol asked for it, but I’ll take their word for it, but in these modern times the Post still maintains its relevance to our fair city. All the local news and sport and tonight details of the 29 places in Bristol where swingers do their swinging.
There was I trying to find the football news and the weather forecast and staring at me from my computer screen (you don’t think I’d buy the thing, do you?) came the headline, “Swingers website reveals 29 of Bristol area’s most popular dogging sites.” Well, I had to look, didn’t I?
I am not expert on dogging but so far as I can tell the subject has little to do with dogs. Apparently, dogging takes place in secluded spots where people go to have sex outdoors, while others look on. Now I am no prude, but I am yet to see the attraction of a) having sex with a complete stranger with loads of people watching and b) watching complete strangers have sex. It could be an age thing, but I’d rather have a night in the pub or a cosy evening in front of the telly watching a romantic football match.
There is no dogging site particularly near my house although I have learned that if I go to Tog Hill I can observe “lots of single men looking for couples. Sexy lady loves to perform for her husband, some sat evenings. Gorgeous boobs.” Alternatively, I can head to Ladies Mile in Clifton and observe “young couples and dirty old men”. Hmm. Dirty old men, eh? Why, that’s a hell of a pull, if you know what I mean. Imagine the tour guide: “Visit Clifton where you can watch Dirty Old Men doing what Dirty Old Men do when they watch young couples shagging.”
Nailsea and Backwell station is no longer for anoraks like me who like to watch trains. The Post informs me that as well as the HSTs and Sprinters, I can observe some “after dark fun”, especially at the weekend. And if my preference is to see “women walk along the path in sexy gear giving a flash” then I can visit the Boat Club in Burnham on Sea. In the unfortunate event of getting arrested, I could pretend I was only there to look at the boats.
I don’t know many of the places in the Post’s helpful list and I am not entirely convinced that some of them actually exist at all. Still, top-notch journalism from “the paper all Bristol asked for and helped to create”. I wonder what yesterday’s hot metal men would have made of such piss poor journalism appearing in the Post. It seems to me it’s a “story” that would have suited in Razzle magazine (not that I have ever seen Razzle, oh no).
