If I was my grandad, I’d be a worried man. I learned today that Alfred Johansen of Gjovic, Norway (photo above) who came to live in the UK back in 1911 never took out British Citizenship. In the event of Kemi Badenoch leading the Conservative party back to office in the 2029 general election, or even Nigel Farage’s private company Reform UK (Ltd), he can expect to be repatriated very quickly.
Just imagine. Coming over here just before the First World War, working well into his eighties and never claiming a penny in social security benefits. We don’t want that sort of people coming over to this country, do we?
His repatriation is going to be slightly problematical, though, isn’t it because the old boy died back in 1994 and his ashes were scattered off Battery Point, Portishead shortly thereafter. I can confirm I was present at the ashes scattering and Alfred didn’t do a runner when no one was looking.
I’m wondering if his failure to become British will have any impact on those who followed him. His only son, and my dad, Anthony Johansen himself emigrated to Canada in the late 1960s and while he too is dead, his ashes were also scattered at Battery Point. If the powers-that- be, led by the Fagash Fuhrer Farage, decide that enough is enough and we need to repatriate these ashes, I suppose it would save time and money if the search was for both of their ashes and not just one.
As for me, how valid is my own British Citizenship? A mere sixth, around 17%, of my own DNA is English, with a finger worth of Welsh (I know: I’m sorry) and the rest Germanic (which in my case means Dutch) and Scandinavian. Apart from being born in Bristol, I am to all intents and purposes Johnny Foreigner. I fully expect to be told to go back from where I came from and to stop being a scrounging immigrant. Essentially, as my grandad couldn’t be arsed to become a bona fide Brit, is my Britishness British enough?
My guess is that Alfred didn’t intend to defraud anyone. It was more likely that he never got round to apply for formal citizenship because he was too lazy. I can think of far bigger crimes against the state than just being bone idle. And I think it’s all quite funny, too. It’s not like the Windrush scandal, is it? He was white for one thing so I am guessing that in the eyes of some folk it was far better than being black or brown.
In my case, I am just going to keep quiet about it. Why even mention this, which is to me astonishing news? What if someone who doesn’t like me dobs the family in to Farage and his fash friends at Reform UK Ltd? I’ll keep it to myself and you, dear reader, and please don’t tell anyone else.
If by chance the government seeks to deport me, I shall refer them to my mum, the former Neeltje Verburg from Rotterdam in the Netherlands. I am assuming she took out British Citizenship when moving to Bristol? If she didn’t, I think I could be in deep shit.
